Gems
by RRam
Summary: A collection of interrelated stories about Steven and the Crystal Gems, all taking place before 'Gem Glow'. Details the characters' lives, their loves, their sorrows and relationships. Rated M for some adult themes, language, and violence. /I own nothing of Steven Universe./
1. The Ways of Gems

Pearl stood in the darkness by the edge of the low rock outcrop overlooking the beach, having wandered from the modest white house built over the Temple entrance and those within, suddenly weary of company. Her physical form stood just over five feet seven inches in height. Her hair was the same bright rose gold she had settled on during her last reformation seven years ago, and fell against her pale cheek in gentle waves. She had a clean-limbed figure and a sufficient amount of muscle, but she lacked almost any trace of fat; her muscles showed clearly beneath the milky projected skin, lending her an air of gauntness.

The same thinness, which had once imparted a delicate beauty to Pearl's features, now added an intensity to her expression, a grimness she had never before possessed. When she smiled, her mouth remained set in a firm line. When she spoke, her voice rose and fell in an unnatural rhythm that betrayed her closeness to tears.

 _I cannot help it._

Pearl fidgeted, shifting her weight from one foot to the other before finally reaching up to lightly touch the opaque gem on her forehead. The surface of her gem felt perfectly smooth, as though it had never suffered a single injury in all the thousands of years of her existence. Pearl had lost count of how many times her gem had been cracked, on Homeworld and on the earth. She squinted dejectedly into the shadow of a rose shrub sprawling over a collapsed wooden trellis.

The wild tangle, devoid of blooms this time of year but bending under the weight of its heavy reddish fruit, burst into pale light.

Pearl stiffened in surprise. Blushing blue, she gaped at the life-sized figure in the hologram which had spilled unexpectedly from her gem. Rose Quartz wavered like a phantom amid the wicked thorns.

''Pearl,'' the hologram said in a voice like the tolling of a bell.

Pearl's eyes flew open. ''Yes?'' Out of sheer habit, she took a step towards the hologram, which kept its distance, flickering against leaves and rocks.

Pearl sank to her knees. The hologram contracted several feet, rendering her dear friend more solid and three-dimensional. A cold wind blew in from the sea and ruffled Pearl's hair, but she hardly noticed. Rose Quartz's mouth seemed to be moving. Pearl strained to hear over the shuddering gusts.

''Pearl...''

''What is it, Rose? Why do you look so sad?''

Rose held out her hand. Pearl took it without hesitation, pressing the remembered palm against her face.

Rose of the hologram smiled weakly. She turned to gaze over the wide swath of boulder-studded sand perhaps twenty feet below them. Her eyes seemed to track movement on the shore, though Pearl herself could see nothing in the dark past the edge of the outcrop. Low clouds obscured the gibbous moon. A heavy drop of rain struck Pearl between the shoulder blades, distracting her... The hologram guttered and disappeared entirely, only to resume seconds later in a blaze of white light as Pearl concentrated with every fiber of her being.

The tall quartz lovingly cupped Pearl's face in her hand. Pearl kissed her fingers, dimly aware of the patter of the beginning rain, striking drop by cold drop on leaves and wood and ground around her. The scent of ozone was sharp in her nostrils.

''I won't... won't be here much longer,'' the hologram said in Pearl's own voice.

''Rose,'' Pearl cried.

''You must grant me something.''

''Anything.''

''When I am gone, you must not bear Greg ill feeling. Promise me.''

Pearl had begun to shiver uncontrollably.

''Please.''

''But...''

The corners of Rose's mouth twitched. She pressed a hand to her midsection, where the baby was, the child that belonged to her and Greg.

 _Steven Quartz Universe._

Pearl felt a tingling in her gem. The hologram was rapidly fading; it touched the uneven granite beneath her with a soft, nacreous glow for a moment before cutting off abruptly.

Pearl turned her attention to the house perched on the rain-damp rock in front of the Crystal Temple. All day Greg had labored to put the finishing touches on the small human dwelling while Garnet and Amethyst played with Steven on the beach. Pearl had lain on a quilt spread on the sand and watched the little boy through nervous eyes, taking care to smile each time he looked her way.

Eventually, she sat up and beckoned for him to come over.

''How old are you now, Steven?''

''I'll be seven in seven days!'' the boy rasped happily. He probed a new gap in his teeth with the tip of his tongue.

''Don't do that!'' Pearl snapped, horrified.

''It's alright,'' Garnet intoned sedately as she came to rest beside Pearl. ''Human children begin to shed their teeth when they get to be around Steven's age. New teeth come in later. Greg told me all about it. Steven lost his first tooth only yesterday.''

''It seems like only yesterday that he didn't have any teeth at all! You're growing up, Steven.'' Pearl brushed invisible particles of sand off the boy's suntanned arms and legs, peering furtively into his rather round face. The Gem trailed her long fingers across Steven's cheek, delighting in the close, fine texture of his skin. She thought of the first time she had ever dared to attempt physical contact with the child who was now nearly an adolescent. The bittersweet weight of Steven in her arms... His skin felt almost the same as it had when he was a newborn.

His skin felt like someone else's. Pearl impulsively drew the little boy closer and gently touched the end of her sharp nose to the tip of his small, soft one.

Steven closed his eyes, enjoying Pearl's attentions. She was not usually so demonstrative. But when he opened his eyes again, Pearl seemed to be looking right through him.

''Steven, why don't you show Pearl the thing your father gave you this morning,'' Garnet suggested.

''Oh! Good idea.'' Steven jumped up, scattering coarse sand in his wake, and headed for Greg's van.

Pearl blushed in embarrassment. ''Where in the world did Amethyst go?'' She got to her feet and pretended to search for the undersized quartz on the beach.

''She went to keep Greg company while he works on the house.'' Garnet took Pearl firmly by the wrist and forced her back down on the quilt.

Pearl refused to meet the other Gem's eyes. She hugged her knees to her chest and concentrated on a small flock of spotted sandpipers foraging just out of reach of the cold waves.

Garnet cleared her throat.

''I know what you're going to say,'' Pearl sighed. ''so I'll say it for you: Steven is not Rose Quartz.''

''I was going to say,'' Garnet replied in her customary tone, ''that Steven has inherited his mother's beautiful black eyes.''

Steven was bounding towards them with Amethyst in tow. Across his chest was slung what appeared to be a miniature guitar.

''What is that, Steven?''

He panted for breath. ''It's called a ukulele, Pearl. Dad gave it to me as an early birthday present. I'm going to play it at the party this evening.''

''Play it now, Steven!'' Amethyst commanded.

''Okay!'' The little boy sat down heavily in Pearl's lap. As Garnet and Amethyst scooched closer, Pearl fondly wrapped her pale arms around Steven and pressed her lips against the sable curls at his temple. His pink t-shirt rode up over his belly as he adjusted the ukulele strap. Pearl could feel the faceted gem that had belonged to Rose, surrounded by the child's soft flesh.

Then the sun began to dip below the horizon, a shimmering disc of fire. The wind picked up, smelling of salt, fish and something sharp and smoky like ashes after the fire is out; gulls screamed from the waterfront, and Greg came to collect Steven and the Gems for the human ritual he called a housewarming party.

It wasn't much of a party, by most human standards. There was only the five of them on the deck, making little attempt to converse, while Greg grilled pork steaks and corn. Steven stirred a bowl of potato salad with a wooden spoon, pausing every now and then to appropriate an olive from the mixture and place it in his mouth.

Through the acrid smoke which wreathed him, Greg regarded each of the Crystal Gems in turn. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl – whenever he thought of them, it was always in that order. And Steven. He was a Crystal Gem too, or going to be. Garnet and Amethyst had said so; even Pearl, who seldom deigned to speak to him, had held Steven upon her hip and proudly declared him _theirs_.

 _Don't you see? Steven has Rose's gem!_

 _Steven Quartz._

Greg often wondered if he was doing the right thing, allowing Rose's comrades to play an increasingly active part in raising the boy. After all these years, he still did not know any of the Gems really well, even Amethyst, who was by far the most companionable of the three.

Rose had once referred to her fellow Gems as three long stories. He had been intrigued by that. But Rose, with her heavy curling hair and throaty laugh and sparkling glance, intrigued him more.

His eyes fell on Garnet. At seven and a half feet tall the Gem was an Amazonian giant. She towered over Steven, who sat at the deck table with a plate piled with steak and potato salad, strumming his ukulele between bites. As soon as the boy finished eating, he switched on the radio and plucked along to the tune of an old song by The Philosophy Majors.

To Steven's delight, Garnet began to dance. She moved slowly and gracefully. Her broad-boned, attractive face was so still and expressionless beneath her visor that it was impossible to tell what she was thinking. Greg watched as she took Steven in her arms and put him on her shoulders without interrupting her steps.

Steven whooped with joy. The sound of his voice echoed in the night. The boy hugged the Gem to him, burying his face in her dense blue-black hair.

Amethyst was next to start dancing. She hopped up on the table, which rocked a little beneath her feet, and proceeded to twist and sway in a manner that was altogether otherwordly. Her heavy tresses, the color of which reminded Greg of the wisteria which had graced his childhood home, shook back and forth.

Meanwhile, Steven, still atop Garnet's shoulders, looked as though he were having a peak experience. His face was flushed with a new light as he gazed around him. Greg, wiping a nostalgic tear from his beard, realized that Steven was looking for Pearl. He called her name, and the tall, slender Gem withdrew from the shadows at the side of the house.

''Come dance, Pearl!''

She obliged.

Across the deck, Greg took a long gulp from an ice cold bottle of beer, then pressed the damp glass to his forehead. He pretended to dance for a few beats, which earned him an enormous grin from Amethyst and a fleeting look of disgust from Pearl. Greg didn't mind. He was soon captivated by her dance, by the three of them dancing differently but in sync with one another.

Pearl stood en pointe, stretching her beautiful arms skyward. Her muscles were tense, but she maintained her position effortlessly. As the song ended and another began, she dropped her arms and spun around halfway, coming face to face with Greg.

They made eye contact, which they rarely did. Greg gave a polite nod and was amazed when Pearl _smiled_ at him.

Greg could not remember the last time he had seen Pearl smile. But she did so, shyly at first, her mouth like the mark of a correct answer on a pop quiz, then with increasing confidence until Greg could make out her teeth, even and very white.

 _Rose_ , Greg thought.

''That's more like it, Pearl!'' Garnet said, setting Steven on the table by Amethyst, where he tried unsuccessfully to follow her fluid movements.

Garnet waltzed up to Pearl. She took her by the shoulders and, bending down, kissed her on the lips.

''Look at Steven dance!'' Greg reached into the cooler for another beer.

''Go, Steven! Go! Go!'' Amethyst bellowed.

''I'm proud of you,'' Garnet whispered into Pearl's ear. ''Being friendly towards Greg.''

Pearl giggled, giddy with the winning combination of music and dance. She moved her hips and twirled.

Garnet extended a graceful hand. ''Dance with us, Gregory.''

''Are you sure?''

''Sure I'm sure.'' She slipped her hand into his.

''Yeah, Dad!'' Steven's eyes were shining with stars.

Greg reminisced about a day more than ten years ago, when he and Rose Quartz had gone on an impromptu trip to Keystone and visited a seedy nightclub full of smoke and neon lights. The music had been deafening, the dance floor packed. But Rose had blended in like cream stirred into coffee, giving Greg a charge more potent than ten cups of caffeine. Simply watching her gave him a totally new kind of high. Together they jumped and gyrated for hours, until the first rays of dawn drove them to rest in the back of the van. Cuddling him on the air mattress, Rose slipped him a piece of information concerning gemkind that he would never forget.

 _We enjoy music and we enjoy to dance. Both are art in motion. A good beat is like a drug to Gems. It rushes through us, takes over our minds, and makes our physical forms move._

''That's one thing we have in common,'' Greg said quietly.

 _Fusion._

''Steven!'' Amethyst shouted. ''Your gem! Look at your gem!''

The dancing stopped at once.

''Guys... what's happening?'' Steven was afraid. He pulled up his shirt to expose the rosy gem on his midriff. It was pulsing with an intangible glow you could only see if you weren't looking at it.

The Gems blinked in disbelief.

''This can't be real.'' Greg turned off the radio.

''Why can't it?'' Amethyst demanded, shaking back her wisteria mane. ''Steven's one of us! If his gem glows, it can only be a good sign.''

''It doesn't seem to be glowing anymore,'' Pearl quavered. She twisted her hands in agitation, eyes flicking from Garnet to Amethyst to Greg.

''What do we do now?'' Greg asked stupidly. He swallowed hard, feeling the saliva throb at the back of his throat.

''We do what we were going to do,'' Garnet replied matter-of-factly. ''We begin to teach the son of Rose Quartz the ways of Gems.'' She tapped the side of her visor, which blinked out of existence, and studied Steven with large, almond-shaped eyes of different hues. A furrow above her brow opened to reveal a third eye of a startling shade of violet.

Steven caught his breath as a surge of unidentifiable emotion spread through his body. Something prickled within his gem. He climbed down from the table and began to make his way to the stairs leading down to the beach where his father's van was parked.

''Where are you going, Steven?'' Greg asked. ''Are you feeling okay?''

''I'm fine, Dad.'' Steven managed a neutral expression. ''Why don't you help me bring my stuff up from the van?''

''Amethyst,'' Pearl shrilled. ''This house-heating party is over! Stop eating and go...'' She gestured vaguely in the direction of Greg's van. ''Help carry Steven's things inside the house.''

''It's house _warming_ , P,'' Amethyst said around a mouthful of leftover food. ''And in my opinion, the party's only started.''

''What do you mean?'' Pearl went around the deck, collecting used plates and cutlery. She moaned in revulsion as Amethyst jerked a grease-smeared plate back from her and took a large bite, her strong projected teeth grinding the vintage ceramic into powder fine enough for her to swallow.

''Amethyst is right.'' Garnet peered over the deck railing at Greg, who was struggling with an overstuffed duffel bag. Steven took it from him and lugged it up the stairs with little difficulty. The seven-year-old was already physically stronger than a fully human child of the same age. _He may someday have the strength of a quartz soldier._ ''The party _has_ only started. Steven is going to be living with us now. Training him to be a Crystal Gem is going to be a busy and demanding job.'' Raising a fist, she summoned a massive gauntlet for emphasis.

''But also a fun job,'' Amethyst quipped. ''Hey, Steven! Let's see you summon your weapon!''

''My what?'' Steven said as he crossed the threshold into the house, followed by Greg.

''Amethyst!''

''Don't worry, Pearl.'' Garnet chucked her friend under the chin. ''Let's go make up that little boy's bed. He's had quite a long day. We all have.''

''My room looks great.'' Steven unzipped his bag. He lay a pair of folded pyjamas on the bed. ''Thanks, Pearl.''

''Oh, don't thank me. Your father is the one who built the house.''

''But you're the one who made it look so nice and tidy on the inside.'' Steven dropped onto the rug beside her. ''Mom looks beautiful.''

Pearl sighed, turning to face the large framed oil portrait over the front door. ''She _was_ beautiful.''

''Do you and the Crystal Gems miss her?''

''Each and every day.''

''What do you miss the most about her?''

Pearl felt her grief rise up so violently that she started away from Steven.

''Pearl? Did I say something wrong? Please don't be mad at me.''

''I'm not mad at you, Steven.'' The Gem got up and ruffled his hair. _Poor little boy_ , she thought.

 _Poor me._

 _Why did you do it, Rose?_

* * *

The wind hissed through the tall grass that grew in profusion over the outcrop. Kneeling on the wet earth, Pearl dug her fingers into the rich, black humus at the base of the rose shrub. Closing her eyes, she sniffed the tealike tang of rotting leaves and moist dirt. To be alone was to reappraise. To be alone and know that she could go back, could return at any moment to Garnet and Amethyst, was a luxury she hardly deserved. Pearl had so much to be grateful for. And yet...

Looking up, peering between the black silhouettes of passing rainclouds, Pearl could see a thick spill of stars. They appeared large and close. She could just make out Homeworld's galaxy, scattered lights on deep blue velvet. Homeworld. Home.

 _Not home anymore_ , Rose had spat after their final battle for Earth's independence. In her hand was a sharp fragment of a gem she had cracked. _Stop looking like that, Pearl. Stop crying! I didn't force you into this rebellion. I said, stop crying!_

''I cannot help it,'' Pearl whimpered. She remembered the sting of the shard, which Rose had hurled against her as punishment for her tears.

 _Never again, never again._

Slowly, deliberately, Pearl sat back and summoned her spear, for no other reason than that it felt good to have something solid to hold onto. She laid the iridescent shaft across her knees and resolved not to cry again. Not tonight.

A soft voice carried over the rocks. Pearl glanced over her shoulder and was both ashamed and relieved to see Garnet lazing on the deck. She wondered how long she had been there. Pearl allowed her spear to vanish and waited patiently to hear the fusion's footsteps behind her.

''Feeling bad?''

Pearl nodded.

''You've been out here all night. You didn't even say good-bye to Greg when he left.''

''Where did he go?''

''To sleep in that van of his. He had a few more beers after Steven fell asleep and talked our ears off about his band. He also talked about Rose.''

Pearl leaned her head against Garnet as her physical form shook with little sobs.

''He misses her, too, Pearl. He loved her.''

''He didn't love her as much as I did.''

''There are as many kinds of love as there are stars in the heavens. Love is love. We all loved Rose Quartz deeply. I also love you deeply, and I don't want to see you sad anymore.''

''Every time I look at Greg... or Steven, for that matter...''

''Hush. Rose gave us Steven because she loved us so much. He is a gift.''

''Literally or metaphorically?''

''Both.''

Pearl drew back, confused.

''I'll explain – sometime.'' She felt Pearl relax into her embrace. ''You seemed to like the dancing earlier.''

''I did.''

''What about Steven's gem.'' It was more of a statement than a question. ''That oh-so-familiar glow.''

''Do you think... he could fuse with one of us?''

''Only time will tell.''


	2. Life Goes On

_Your name is Steven, which means ''crown'' according to a book your mother consulted. You were born in an ancient temple built to resemble a powerful fusion of perfect love and perfect trust, and grew up amidst cool stone, glittering sand, and bright water. You came into the world with the wonder of the cosmos in your memory._

 _Your mother, a rare rose quartz, came from a place where there is no life, a place that is cold and rigid, a place of total isolation and desecration. Greg, your father, spent his childhood in a region which for millennia had been raped for its resources and used to produce more of our kind. They were shaped by their environments, and transferred their fear of loneliness to you._

 _The kitchen timepiece has struck midnight, marking the seventh year of your life. In approximately twelve hours, Greg will come to pick you up for a day of father-son bonding. Until then, I can sit at the foot of your bed and contemplate our history._

* * *

Pearl had grown accustomed to checking on Steven each night as he slept in the warm loft of the newly built house.

Stepping off the warp pad, bathed in the cold afterglow of its activation, she made her way across the living room and up the stairs to the boy's bed. Rose's son lay beneath a white comforter. His eyes were shut tight, the thick lashes dark against his skin. Pearl stared at the steady rise and fall of his breathing. One. Two. Three. Alive.

The Gem seated herself on the edge of the mattress. Carefully, she smoothed the comforter. Then, clasping her hands, she allowed herself to think back on the past week.

Steven's gem had not glowed since that first miraculous time at the housewarming party. Garnet and Amethyst were convinced that the music and dancing had caused his powers to manifest. But when the Crystal Gems tried to recreate the dance the following day, even borrowing some of Greg's old records to play, nothing happened.

 _Fusion._

 _Rainbow Quartz._

Pearl flicked her eyes in the direction of the Temple Gate. Garnet and Amethyst were sorting through bubbled gems in the Burning Room. She supposed she should go help them, but why? It was a hopeless task. Many of the gems were broken beyond recognition, so that when she or Garnet looked at an old friend, they did not see an old friend, or even a Gem; there was only the empty shell floating in stasis, a wasteful loss of life.

A few lines of Rose Quartz's epitaph for the fallen heroes of the Rebellion sprang into Pearl's mind: _This is the end. The vessel is shattered, and the light it contained is broken into shards and scattered across the darkness. Never again to be whole._

She pinched the bridge of her nose, fighting against the dark memories that assailed her.

 _The gem broken beyond recognition is a Gem that has lost every trace of its gemanity, of what might identify it as the gem of a Gem. Void of its physical form, the gem becomes a monstrosity. Never to be whole again, never to be put together again; far too broken to be free._

 _Some monster is standing next to her..._

 _Some monster is standing next to me..._

There were footsteps on the stairs. ''Pearl?''

 _Hostile and dangerous._

''Pearl!''

''Yes? What is it?'' Pearl said, distractedly.

Garnet frowned.

''What's the matter with her?''

''Not so loud. You'll wake Steven.''

With a start, Pearl came out of her reverie. ''Garnet. Amethyst. When did you come back from the Temple?''

''A few moments ago. We were calling you.''

''I heard.'' Pearl furrowed her brows. ''I think. I'm sorry.''

''No, don't be. I know how it is.'' Garnet helped Pearl to her feet. ''Are you going to be alright?''

Pearl didn't answer. Instead, she turned towards Steven, who continued to rest peacefully.

Garnet and Amethyst exchanged glances. ''Come on, Gems,'' Garnet finally said, sounding far away. ''Let's lie on the couch. I want to feel you next to me.''

* * *

The house was quiet and dark, except for a lamp in the living room, turned to its lowest setting. Garnet sank against the white cushions with a heavy sigh. She removed her visor and ran her fingers through her dense hair, pulling a bit hard, before pressing her hands to her face.

''What are you doing?'' Amethyst rasped. She lay on her stomach while Pearl propped herself up on one elbow next to her.

''I wish I had a mirror,'' Garnet said, blinking her three eyes.

''Why?''

''Take this one.'' Pearl reached into her gem and, with a flourish, produced an ornate silver mirror with a teardrop-shaped blue stone affixed to its back. A long crack ran through the stone. Garnet looked briefly into the mirror before returning it to Pearl.

''We've gotten older,'' the fusion stated.

''What?'' Pearl snorted. ''That's impossible. Gems don't age.''

''No. But something about us has... changed.'' She chuckled sadly. ''I remember how fresh you two used to look. Especially Amethyst.''

''Amethyst – '' Pearl paused to scrutinize the little quartz, who squirmed under her gaze. ''Amethyst looks different than she did centuries ago. We all do. After all the times we've had to regenerate...''

''That's not what I mean. See for yourself.''

Pearl and Amethyst examined their faces in the silver glass, touching their brows and lips. Dismayed, Pearl returned the mirror to her gem. ''You're right, Garnet.''

''How long have we been this way?'' Amethyst's eyes were round.

The fusion's voice trembled. ''After Rose...''

 _Yes_ , Pearl thought. _After Rose gave up her physical form to... give birth, we all changed. It was bound to happen. I should have known._

''I've been thinking about Steven,'' Garnet blurted. ''His gem – ''

 _Rose's gem._

''Yeah!'' Amethyst whispered, mindful of the sleeping boy. ''He almost fused with me at the party! Can you believe it?''

''Don't interrupt, Amethyst,'' Pearl snarled. ''What makes you think that Steven almost fused with _you_ , anyway? We were all dancing.''

''He was dancing closest to me!''

Pearl crossed her arms. ''He'll never be able to fuse with anyone.''

''Don't say that, Pearl.'' Garnet sounded almost hurt. ''Of course Steven will be able to fuse.''

''Future vision?'' Pearl said. At Garnet's glare she quailed.

''I have faith in Steven.''

Pearl slid off the couch to Garnet's feet. ''But _how_ will Steven ever be able to fuse? He's a human!''

''Half human,'' Amethyst corrected. ''He has a gem.''

The pearl rolled her eyes. ''That's all he has.''

''Pearl,'' Garnet said warningly.

She lifted her chin in defiance.

''I'm going to my room,'' Amethyst said glumly.

''No, don't.'' Pearl grabbed the hem of her tunic. ''I'm sorry.''

The quartz brushed her away, teeth clenched and eyes sad. Her companions watched as she shuffled to the Temple Gate and stood in front of it for a tense moment before turning on her heel towards the warp pad. Amethyst was still muttering when the pad activated, bearing her off in a flash of eerie light.

The burst of light made Pearl wince, and she blinked through a sudden veil of tears as she waited for her eyes to adjust.

Garnet leaned back into the couch, resting her neck on the top edge. She was wearing her visor again.

''I didn't mean to make her angry,'' Pearl breathed.

''I don't think it was you.''

''Well, it certainly wasn't you. Where did she go?''

''Where she usually goes. Where were you earlier?''

''At... at the Battlefield.''

''Which one?''

''Oh, you know the one.'' Pearl had spent the better part of the day picking her way through mounds of rubble, drunk on the scent of wild strawberries.

''Looking for Rose's sword?'' Garnet reached for her hand. ''You should be kinder to Steven. He adores you.''

''I can't think why.''

Garnet played idly with Pearl's hair. ''Rose Quartz loved you. It's only natural that her son does as well.''

Pearl stared at her. ''What's that supposed to mean? Steven never knew Rose. And you keep reminding me that Steven is not his mother, even though he... is her?'' It was a cruel paradox. ''Why should he love me just because she did?''

''Pearl! Don't you want Steven to love you?''

''Well, yes! But...''

''Then let it be. Don't judge Steven's love for you or analyze it or make it into anything.''

''All day I've been thinking of Rose.'' Pearl's face was buried in her hands. ''I feel like I knew her forever. I wanted to know her forever more...''

Garnet's chest heaved with emotion. She pulled Pearl into an embrace, folding her slim frame into her strong arms. ''Try not to dwell on how unhappy you feel without her,'' she murmured, her voice thick with tears. ''Or else you might retreat into your gem for weeks again, and Steven would miss you.''

Pearl gave a mirthless laugh. ''Oh, Steven...''

''Do you remember the day he was born?''

 _Beads of perspiration slipped into Rose Quartz's eyes; they burned. Her projected body burned. The room was diffused with a soft pink glow and the smell of human fear, her skin was drenched. Through glazed eyes, she saw the Crystal Gems clustered in the corner. Waiting, she thought bitterly. Waiting to see if this plan of hers would work._

 _She pushed to her elbows. ''Greg,'' she shrieked._

 _''I'm right here, Rose. I'm not going anywhere.''_

 _''Garnet? Pearl?''_

 _''We're not leaving.'' Garnet tightened her hold on Pearl's arm. They clung to each other in desperation. At some point, Amethyst broke away and ran to Rose to cradle her face and whisper words of encouragement. Then..._

''Then it was over.'' Garnet banished her visor and fixed Pearl with a narrow, pained stare as the holo-glow faded from her gem. ''It ended in light. One minute Rose was there, and then she wasn't. She didn't gasp or whimper or shudder or shake... Greg lifted Steven from the bed and, oh, I'll never forget the look on his face...''

''It's a dream now,'' Pearl said past the lump in her throat. She reached for her friend's hand and took it in hers.

Garnet hadn't expected to cry. The tears welled up inside her until she couldn't hold them back anymore. They spilled down her cheeks, silently at first, and then past her careful control until she wept openly. ''I'm sorry,'' the fusion stammered. Pearl could tell it was Ruby speaking. Then Sapphire took over. ''Enough. Life goes on.''

''Life goes on,'' Pearl repeated numbly.

''We'll never see her again,'' the fusion mused, almost to herself. ''But we may never see any of them again. What is Rose, compared to all the others?'' She motioned helplessly towards the Burning Room. The blood red gem in her palm glinted in the dim light.

Pearl understood. ''The Crystal Gems.''

''We have to learn to live again. Learn to live our lives without them. That does not mean we stop thinking about them or wishing they were still here, but it does mean accepting that we cannot bring them back.''

''Is there nothing to be done for them?''

Garnet sighed. ''Rose Quartz tried and tried to use her powers to save the corrupted Gems, but she was never able to heal them. She hoped...'' Her voice faltered uncharacteristically. ''What did she hope for? I don't know. I don't know.''

''Let's not talk about this anymore tonight,'' Pearl said gently. ''We've got other things to talk about. Lots of things, actually.''

''You mean Steven.''

Pearl twisted her long fingers together. ''You mustn't think I dislike him, Garnet. I care about him deeply. And not just because he's Rose's son.''

Garnet clicked her tongue. ''Rose's son. Rose's _son_. It still feels strange to say those words aloud, accurate as they are. A Gem with a son. What would they say on Homeworld?''

''They would never understand. I'm not sure if I understand.''

''It worked,'' Garnet said thoughtfully. ''All those years ago... Greg attempting fusion with Rose on the beach. We watched them dance. Do you remember?''

Pearl felt her mouth twist in a sour expression. Why was Garnet bringing this up now? Then it dawned on her. ''Future vision. Oh, my stars. Garnet – did you know?''

Garnet slumped with her arms crossed in her lap. ''No one can see the future,'' she muttered wearily. ''But I have a feeling that Amethyst will return soon. When she does, I want to speak with her.''

Pearl watched without seeing as the fusion climbed the stairs to look at Steven, who did not stir. The clock by his bed read a quarter past ten. He had fallen asleep before eight, exhausted from helping Greg at the car wash. Garnet tugged the comforter over the child's bare feet.

Presently Amethyst appeared on the warp pad, hugging herself. Pearl wondered if she were trying to recreate the sensation of someone's arms around her. She noticed that Amethyst's boots were caked with earth. The quartz met Pearl's eyes briefly, then with a twitch of pain looked away.

* * *

Garnet and Amethyst disappeared into the Temple, leaving Pearl alone with her thoughts. After a moment, she rose from the couch and went to sit on Steven's bed. Seeing the boy like this, deep in sleep, his face radiating peace and contentment, she suddenly knew how much she loved him. She had tried to resist loving him, but with each passing year, it became clear that she fought a losing battle.

 _Rose..._

Pearl's mind drifted back to the terrifying night of Steven's birth.

For months, Greg had prayed for Steven's health, his ten little fingers and ten little toes, hoping that he would be a good father to the living force he felt inside Rose Quartz.

When the bright light subsided, Greg found himself shaking so badly that standing was difficult. Garnet took a step forward, holding out her arms to support the trembling man. Greg imagined she was reaching for the baby in a surreptitious way – a way that would almost force a fight over the infant if Greg didn't let go. ''No, no,'' Garnet said. But Greg clutched Steven tighter to his chest.

Pearl and Amethyst cowered against the damp stone wall, holding hands so tightly that Greg thought he could see their gemsongs beating in their fingers. Pearl's face had never looked so white. He saw her sweep the room with her eyes, searching for her lover. But Rose was gone, gone with the light. Her precious gem now rested in the abdomen of a red-faced human infant who was beginning to cry in his father's arms.

The first thing that caught Amethyst's attention was Steven's large, dark eyes. She knew those eyes. Letting go of Pearl, she crept boldly towards Greg, who was struggling to quiet his son. Steven emitted a thin wail of distress, but the sound was lost in the roar of the wind and waves.

The baby's hands were still curled from the womb. Amethyst slipped her finger into a tiny palm and gasped as it tightened with surprising strength. Slowly, Steven settled down. His eyelids drooped, then fell and sealed themselves in sleep. But he held fast to Amethyst.

''What now?'' Greg whimpered.

''First thing's first,'' Garnet said, ever the practical one. ''Get him dry and warm.''

Greg lay Steven on the bed and fumbled for the bag of diapers, towels, and blankets he had put together. With trembling hands, he wiped the baby dry and put a diaper on him. The diaper was too big, and covered the glistening gem completely.

''He's so _tiny_ ,'' Amethyst observed.

Garnet shuddered as a rush of emotions raced through her. ''Yes, he is small.'' Grief nibbled at her composure with jagged teeth. She looked behind her at Pearl. She was standing there, hands covering her face, shaking.

''Come look at Steven, Pearl,'' Garnet urged.

Greg had sunk to the bed and was cradling the sleeping infant wrapped snugly in a lightweight flannel blanket. Amethyst sat beside him, as close as she dared.

Pearl uncovered her face and looked at Greg with unmitigated hatred. Her anguished, tearless eyes burned in her white face. Her lips twitched as she fought not to summon her spear. Greg could feel her pain and sadness like a separate entity standing between them. Flanked by Garnet and Amethyst, he held the baby out to her.

She tentatively touched her hand to Steven's skull and caressed lightly. She had never felt anything so soft or beheld anything so untainted and perfect. She brushed Steven's fist and felt his tiny fingers clasp her hand. An enormous tear rolled down her face and landed on him, marking his skin with an irregular stain.

''Would you... like to hold him?'' Greg asked.

''I don't know how,'' Pearl answered in her smallest voice. Garnet put an arm around her.

''Sit here, I'll show you.''

Greg carefully eased the baby into the crook of her arm.

* * *

Afterwards, Pearl walked out of the Temple and wandered aimlessly. The weather was fierce. A near-gale wind was blowing, whipping the sea into dark, churning waves that rolled across the beach in a mass of foam and spray. Steven had been born at midnight. The sky above her was still black as obsidian, starless and cold. As she looked out over the dangerous water, it occurred to her that grief is like the sea; it comes in waves, washing over you, going in and out like the tide, but always lurking in the depths, moving beneath a deceptively calm surface. One day, the waters might recede so far that she would almost lose sight of them, only to come rushing back with all the force of a tsunami.

It had happened before.

Pearl climbed to the top of a boulder and sat down. She could see Garnet and Amethyst standing not far away. Her eyes traveled up the statue on the face of the Temple, aged but serene, four of her eight arms outstretched, as though in blessing. The fusion had Rose's hair. She remembered the feel of the heavy curls lifting in a strong wind like this one, centuries before...

Amethyst called her name. She and Garnet were approaching fast.

Pearl hunkered down as the gale rose to a roar. She was losing concentration; her head reeled with a terrible sense of loss. The last thing she knew before her physical form wasted into a smoky haze was Amethyst's cheek against her shoulder.

Amethyst caught Pearl's gem neatly in her hands. It was the first time she had ever witnessed a Gem retreat into their gem due to emotional trauma. Until then, she hadn't even known such a thing was possible. But then there was a lot about Gems that she didn't know.

They brought Pearl back to the Temple, where she was quite safe.

It was three long weeks before she reformed.

* * *

Greg sat in the open back of his van with Steven in his arms and a far-away look in his eyes. The baby had just been fed and changed; he was awake and contemplating the world through unfocused eyes. A stiff wind was blowing in across the water, and he was bundled against the cold.

He did not hear Pearl come down from the Temple. When she walked to the van, Steven began to wave his tiny mittened fists.

Greg jumped in surprise. He calmed himself with a deep breath. ''How long have you been standing there, Pearl?''

''Not long,'' the Gem replied. She dug a heel into the sandy ground.

Greg regarded her carefully, if not fearfully. Pearl looked different than she had in all the years he had known her. Her sky blue eyes were colder, there was a line between her brows that he didn't remember, and her hair was shorter and flipped up in the back like the barb of a thorn. He noted that her hair was a different color, too, bordering on pink rather than the old ash blonde. And she had done away with the airy shawl she had always worn.

 _Can I help you? Do you need something?_ Greg wanted to ask when she lingered without speaking for several minutes.

Steven made a noise like a laugh, drawing Pearl's attention.

''Could I hold him again?'' she asked. She blushed in anticipation.

Greg's mouth fell open. ''Sure.''

Pearl held Steven firmly against her breast. She touched the tip of her nose to his and breathed in his scent. He smelled a bit like strawberries. He twisted contentedly in her arms and she was reminded of how it had felt to be prodded by his sharp elbows and knees from inside his mother. He could never replace Rose Quartz, but she could not love him more.


	3. An Experience

_Rose Quartz sits in the passenger seat of her new lover's van, cruising along a freeway in Delmarva at noon. The highway is crawling with vehicles and rain washes the road._ Swoosh. _Metallic sky, the rumble of thunder, water-filled potholes reflecting the weak light, waysides resplendent with wildflowers – all around them, the day gleams darkly._

 _Water droplets, transformed by sunlight into iridescent pearls, cling to the windows. Rose turns down the sun visor and smiles ecstatically into the mirror._

 _Coquettishly, she reaches to stroke Greg's thigh, runs her hand over the material of his pants – indigo demin worn to velvet softness – and feels him thrill at her touch._

 _''Rose,'' he laughs, ''I feel like I'm on another world with you.''_

 _Rose Quartz does not reply. There are no more highways, no more shower of pink curls on his shoulder as she leans to kiss his cheek. Rose is gone, and his world with her._

* * *

 _Rose is gone._

That was Greg's very first thought, on waking in his bed: an air mattress in need of duct tape, cheap nylon sheets, and threadbare blankets, but a bed nonetheless, not the metal army cot of his childhood or a sleeping bag beneath a rock shelter in the pouring rain.

He opened his eyes to gray morning light around the edges of the curtains in his van. Birds twittered in the bushes outside. Greg rolled over, trying to drift back into sleep. He wanted to dream again of the cool caress of sensitive fingers. He could feel her again... A shudder passed along his spine as though an electric current were going through him. He kept his eyes closed, unwilling to abandon his dream.

 _Rose, Rose._

Greg placed his palms over his eyes, comforted by the warm darkness. When the clock radio wedged between the mattress and the wall came on, he groped to silence it, then let his hand fall. The song that was playing was a fast song that was popular back when he and Rose were dating. They had danced to this song. It had even been playing when they made love for the first time.

Greg set the radio on the bed, turned up the volume and listened until the song was almost over. Then he silenced the music with such force that the radio clattered to the side. Cursing softly, he picked it up and turned it back on just in time to catch the last notes of the track Rose had so enjoyed.

 _''What is this kind of music called?''_

 _''It's called trance.''_

 _''Trance?''_

 _''Yeah, that's it.''_

 _''Trance? Really? Is it meant to hypnotize?''_

 _''It seems to hypnotize some people. Do you like it?''_

 _''Like it? I love it! Come on, let's dance!''_

Greg felt tears prick his eyes. Leaving the radio playing, he dug around for a clean shirt and pants, and got out of the van.

The morning was bright and clear, warm with a hint of coolness left over from the evening. Greg whistled a tune as he walked the few steps to the car wash. He swung his keys on his index finger once, twice, three times, and then snatched them into his hand. He let himself into the slightly dilapidated building and washed up in the bathroom.

Afterwards, he sat in the open van listening to music and pulling a comb through what was left of his long brown hair. His mood slowly began to lift.

The door to his office was open. In the pale light of morning, you couldn't tell if the neon sign reading ''It's a Wash'' was on or off, but he was ready to receive business.

He had a couple of his favorite snack cakes with coffee for breakfast. The sun was shining through the clouds, and he could smell the fresh chill of rain that lingered in the air. His day would be complete if Amethyst brought Steven to visit. He hadn't seen enough of the kid lately.

Greg turned off the radio and reached into the van for his guitar. He strummed absently, keeping a lookout for customers. From time to time he lifted his gaze to the cerulean sky to watch the clouds pass overhead. The sun was growing warmer. Light glinted off his guitar as he continued to play, hardly aware of what he was doing. He hummed under his breath, trying to ignore the familiar pain rising in his chest.

A wave of fatigue hit him. He pushed his guitar away and keeled forward, burying his face in his knee cap as he began to weep. ''Oh, Rose,'' he sniffed. ''How I miss you.'' He missed her sweetness and her kindness. He ached for the touch of her hands, the taste of her kiss, the feel of her body touching his, skin to skin, that look of love and admiration shining from her expressive eyes.

Greg's mind rolled back over the years he had spent with Rose, and he realized it had been the happiest time of his life. Rose had chosen him. She had loved him. She had tried to include him in every aspect of her life, sharing all she had with him. He had never felt so good in all his life. And now she was gone.

He pried open his heavy eyelids and looked down the street, filled with longing to see Steven.

A fresh breeze stirred the warm air. Today was the first of May and the beginning of spring, official. If Rose were there, she would have climbed Brooding Hill to tend the pink-flowered purslane she had planted. _Moss roses_. The plant could be eaten. It had mildly bitter taste Rose had craved the spring she was pregnant with Steven.

 _Steven..._

Greg went to splash his face with cold water. His watch read half past eleven. He would see Steven at six, if Amethyst didn't bring him before. _I'll ask Shtoo-ball if he'd like to take a drive to Brooding Hill this evening_ , he thought, heading back to the van. _We could... I don't know... watch the sun set and see what's become of Rose's moss_.

* * *

Few came to have their cars washed that day. Greg was finishing a sandwich from next door when Amethyst finally arrived with his son. She slithered up from behind him in the shape of a mauve boa constrictor, which Greg did not see until it suddenly raised its head as though to strike, fangs dripping in the dark purple mouth. Greg screamed and dropped his sandwich. It landed on the cracked asphalt of the parking lot.

''Dad!'' Steven cried, running to give him a hug.

''Steven!'' Greg's heart pounded in his chest. He lifted his son like a sack of potatoes over his hip, which Steven loved, and flinched at the sight of Amethyst greedily licking the remains of the sandwich from the ground in the form of a large Persian cat.

''I don't like turkey,'' she said, reverting to her normal self. She stood with her arms crossed and her nose wrinkled in distaste.

Greg rolled his eyes, a mannerism he had picked up from Pearl. ''Okay, next time I won't get a _turkey_ sandwich for you to ruin. I really wanted that sandwich! What have you guys been up to today?''

''Beachcombing,'' Steven answered.

''Oh! Well, that sounds like fun.''

''It was boring,'' Amethyst groaned. ''There was nothing interesting on the beach, and then a Gem monster decided to attack us.''

Greg felt the color drain from his face. ''A Gem monster?''

''Yeah,'' Steven said excitedly, throwing his arms around Greg's neck. ''A Gem monster attacked us from the ocean. It looked like a giant starfish with a gem in the middle. Garnet and Pearl came and put it out of its misery.''

''P-put it out of its misery?'' Greg was aghast. ''Wait, hold on a second. Where were you when all this was happening, Steven?''

''I hid behind some rocks,'' the boy said, as though it were obvious.

''It didn't put up much of a fight.'' Amethyst casually inspected her fingernails.

''But you're okay? You're not hurt?''

''Of course not. I'm fine.'' Steven playfully batted his eyelashes before hugging Greg so tightly that he gasped. He set the boy down and winced as his back spasmed lightly.

''Steven is fine,'' Amethyst assured him. ''He has to learn how to fight those monsters, anyway.''

''Did you recognize who it was, Amethyst?''

''What?''

''Did you recognize who the monster was?'' Steven's eyes were huge.

''What do you mean? Why would I recognize – ''

''I heard Garnet and Pearl talking the other day. They said that they sometimes recognize who the monsters are – who they were, I mean. Who they used to be.''

'' _What_?'' Amethyst suddenly looked very uncomfortable. ''I don't know what you're talking about, kiddo. When are you getting off work, Greg?''

He scratched the back of his neck. ''I close at six.''

''Wanna hang out tonight? I thought we could watch some more episodes of _L'il Butler_.''

''Tonight? I don't know... I was going to ask Steven if he'd drive with me to Brooding Hill to check on Rose's plants.'' He glanced at the boy, who nodded enthusiastically. ''Maybe after we get back.''

''It's a date,'' Amethyst said, smiling wistfully.

Having no plans for the afternoon, Steven and Amethyst stayed until Greg closed the car wash. By that time, the humans were hungry. It was dinner time. Greg drove them up the road to Fish Stew Pizza, where he ordered a pizza called the ''Castaway'' that featured mussels, tuna, shrimp, and three kinds of pepper. Kofi put it in a box for him and Greg took it to the car.

''Would you like a ride home, Amethyst?''

''Why?'' Amethyst helped herself to pizza. Greg began to wish he had ordered more than one.

''Steven and I are driving to Brooding Hill.''

''Can I come along?'' She set down the slice of pizza she was just lifting to her mouth.

''Of course you can come,'' Steven said before Greg could object.

''Fine,'' Greg muttered as he turned onto the highway. ''The more, the merrier.''

* * *

Together they went up the grassy hill. It was a steep climb but not a long one. A narrow path was cut into the turf, leading to the top of the ridge. Steven scrambled ahead, stumbling over tussocks and ruts, but Amethyst stayed at Greg's side. The Gem tilted her head and regarded him, admiring how the sunlight warmed his hair to bronze.

At last the ground began levelling out, and shortly after, the trail ended abruptly. Steven found himself standing over a cliff edge, with the ocean undulating gently below. Beach City spread like a wilderness, a rubble of gray and rust-red roofs, all backyards, rear windows, back alleys. Even from a distance, the statue on the face of the Crystal Temple dominated the landscape. Seagulls circled near its top, and more dotted the uneven, grassy land at its moss-covered base, stretching their wings before nightfall.

The statue appeared solemn and mysterious. It's beautifully shaped stone eyes seemed to regard the sea in a calm, dispassionate way, while the eyes of the mask-like structure on its forehead gazed heavenward in despair.

''Homeworld,'' Steven whispered.

''What?'' Greg panted, coming up beside him. He looked at the rich blue sky. The crescent moon hung like a ghost above the water. ''Great view, isn't it?''

''Yeah.'' Steven felt at his gem. It felt funny, like an itch he could not scratch, a warning he did not know how to heed.

''I don't see any plants that look like they could have belonged to Rose,'' Amethyst said, kicking at a clump of sedge.

Greg and Steven looked around them. Amethyst was right. The crest of the hill was bare except for grass and a young laurel protruding incongruously from a crevice in a rock.

''I guess that moss she brought up here didn't make it.'' Greg shrugged disappointedly.

''Sorry,'' Amethyst quietly offered.

Steven lifted his face to the air. ''Maybe it made it somewhere else.''

''What's the matter with you?'' Amethyst ruffled the boy's hair so hard that his head wobbled under her hand. ''You've been saying the weirdest things lately.''

''Like what?'' When the Gem didn't answer, Steven pointed to the statue of the fusion. ''Are the eyes on top of the statue supposed to be looking at Homeworld?''

Amethyst jerked nervously.

''What's wrong? What did he say?''

''Nothing,'' Amethyst muttered. ''He must have been repeating something he heard from Pearl.''

''Homeworld?'' Greg was thoroughly confused.

''It's getting late. We should go.''

''But we just got here.''

''It's almost Steven's bedtime. And I would still like to watch that show with you.''

''He doesn't have to go to bed until...''

''Come on.'' Amethyst looped her arm through his. ''Let's go.''

''I don't feel well,'' Steven said suddenly.

Greg touched the smooth skin of his son's face. ''You're cold! Are you getting sick? Maybe we should go. We can come back another time...''

They left just as the sun was about to set. Greg carried Steven in his arms; his body felt strangely light. The boy fell asleep on the ride home. Amethyst stared hard at him, wishing she could read his mind. _What was he trying to say about Homeworld? Steven doesn't know anything about Homeworld. I don't even know about that place!_

Greg took Steven inside the beach house and put him to bed. He waited with Amethyst until Pearl came through the Temple door. She froze when she saw him.

''Steven is sleeping.''

''I can see that. Where were you guys?''

''Up on Brooding Hill.''

Pearl's eyes narrowed. ''Why?''

''To... see if any of Rose's magic moss was still there.''

''Well, was it?''

Greg shook his head.

Pearl seemed to wilt. ''Pity,'' she muttered, and went back into the Temple.

A moment later Garnet appeared on the warp pad. ''Hello, Greg, Amethyst.''

''Garnet, will you be at the house tonight? Greg and I were planning to watch – ''

''That silly show? I know. Pearl and I will look after Steven.''

''Great.'' Amethyst grinned.

Greg got to his feet. ''Shall we go?''

* * *

Greg and Amethyst drove to a liquor store where they purchased some wine. Then they drove to U-Stor on Chesapeake Street, where Greg rented a storage unit to house things from an apartment he had once inhabited with Steven.

Greg unlocked the storage unit and they went inside, sidling past a flimsy chest of drawers bending under the weight of a set of cast-iron cookware. The television was in the back, surrounded by dusty VHS tapes.

Amethyst selected a tape from the bottom of the pile and pushed it into the player. They made themselves comfortable with a few cushions and blankets. Greg opened the wine and poured it into a pair of glasses, handed one to Amethyst. ''You okay?''

''I'm okay.'' She drank the wine in two swallows.

''But you're not, Amethyst. You're not okay at all. I can see that.''

''What are you talking about? Let's just watch _Li'l Butler_.'' She reached for the wine and poured herself another glass, sipping slowly this time.

Greg got close enough to her that she could see the worry in his brown eyes. He put his hand on her arm.

''What is it?''

''What's the matter with Steven? What did he say today that freaked you out so much?''

She swirled the wine in her glass. ''He said something I never would've expected him to say, that's all.''

''What? Now you have to tell me, Amethyst. Was it something bad?''

''No...''

''Was he coming on to you?''

The Gem turned angrily to him, but her anger faded when she saw him smiling and realized he was joking. She sipped her wine, unable to take her eyes off him.

Greg topped off his wine and lay back on the cushions. He laughed at L'il Butler's antics. Amethyst did not laugh with him. She poured herself a third glass and set the bottle firmly between Greg's knees.

He jumped. ''Are you okay?''

''Why do you keep asking me that?''

''You people have too much money!'' Greg sang.

Amethyst drained her glass. ''I must confess something to you.''

''Confess.''

''I wish I were human.''

''Why? We're... _organic_.'' He laughed at the term he had often heard the Gems use, then sobered when Amethyst sent him a withering look.

''This alcohol doesn't have any effect on me. None at all. Because I'm not human.''

''Then why drink it? Do you actually like the taste?''

Amethyst shrugged. ''It's an experience. The taste, I mean.''

''I don't understand.''

''You wouldn't. Humans take sensory experiences for granted. Hard and soft, cool and warm, the feel of different textures against your _organic_ form...''

''That sounds like a song!'' Greg dissolved into tipsy giggles. ''Where's a pen and paper? I need to get that one down – ''

''No!'' Amethyst shrieked hoarsely.

Greg stared at her. ''Amethyst – I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make fun of you, I swear.''

Her eyes glittered with tears. She set her empty glass on the television.

''How can I make it up to you?''

''Greg...'' She scooted closer.

''Well?''

Amethyst kissed him on the lips.

A tremor ran through Greg, a tremor that was all heat. ''What was that?''

''That?'' Amethyst echoed, blushing furiously. She lunged forward and kissed him again before he could move.

Greg kissed her back, enjoying the sensation of her voluptuous body and silken skin. Then Amethyst's fingers dug into his pants. Suddenly, she had hold of him and was gripping him tightly, her thumb flicking along the tip, then her nail...

His eyes flew open.

''No,'' Greg said, pulling away. ''Not like this.''

Amethyst's smile faded. ''Fine. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking.''

''I know. You wanted... an experience.''

Amethyst got up. She was beyond embarrassment. ''I'll go now.''

''Let me walk you home.'' Greg got clumsily to his feet, knocking an object to the floor.

''No.'' Amethyst pushed out of the storage unit and disappeared into the night, leaving Greg alone and uncomfortable with his thoughts. He went to see what had fallen.

It was a photograph of him and Rose, taken shortly before Steven was born by Garnet. He wiped the dust off it with his shirt sleeve. ''Oh, Rose. I'm so sorry.''

Rose could not hear him. She could not have heard him if he had shouted into the gem on Steven's belly. Greg didn't know why he was apologizing; Rose wouldn't have minded him kissing Amethyst. _She used to kiss other people all the time._ But guilt tugged at him.

He switched off the television and sat in the dark for moment, thinking.

It had been almost eight years since Rose had given up her physical form. During that time Greg had never looked at another woman and had never considered being with another woman. _When I first met Rose, talked to her, I knew right away that she was the one for me. We were on the same wave-length, loved the same things. There could never be anyone else but her for me, but... I felt attracted to Amethyst tonight. I never thought I would be sexually attracted to another woman again._

Emotions warred in him. He laid the photograph in a box of miscellaneous items and trudged out of the storage unit. His trusty van sat waiting for him like an old friend. He crawled into the back and shut the door behind him, then rolled onto the air mattress.

Greg was exhausted, but sleep eluded him. He tossed and twisted in bed for over an hour, battling with the ensnaring bedcovers and his doubts and fears. He tried to meditate, to concentrate his thoughts in order to control his emotions and steady his nerves, but his mind was racing with the events of the day.

Snatches of the trance song he had heard that morning began to play in his head, filling the backs of his eyes with blinding colors. He tasted music and wine on his tongue. _Rose_... How he wished he could share this surreal symphony with her. He never wanted it to stop.

It began to rain. Greg heard it very lightly on the roof of the van and was surprised. Soon the spring shower thickened to a heavy downpour, drenching the U-Stor parking lot. Pulling his blanket up over his chest, he recalled a trip he and Rose had once made to Resilience, a nightclub in Keystone.

They drove there on a dark summer day that paled in beauty when compared to her. For the better part of their journey, rain slammed against the van windows and thunder rumbled like sounds of heavy artillery. They listened to music and talked as the miles rolled by. Rose was excited. She had never been to a rave. Greg had been to lots of raves, and told her about long nights spent dancing in hot warehouses, menthol nasal inhalers, and glow sticks. Rose Quartz pulled her black Mr. Universe shirt on over her projected gown. She thought it was a suitable costume for a rave.

''You might get a bit cold like that, Rose.'' Greg was wearing jeans, boots, and a long-sleeved flannel shirt.

''Oh, I never get cold, don't worry,'' she said, turning the sun visor down to look in the mirror. ''What do you think?''

Through shapeshifting, she had added smoky eyeshadow to her eyes and a vibrant cranberry lip gloss.

Greg's opened his mouth once, then closed it again. ''You look fantastic.''

Rose giggled, looking down at her many-layered dress. Her body bloomed with light for a brief instant, and the airy ruffles were replaced by a pair of jeans. They were white and ripped in all the right places. Her gem peeked out from beneath the edge of her knotted shirt.

''Wow,'' Greg said.

They were almost there. She reached to trail her rosy fingernails along his thigh and grinned when he jerked with pleasure.

''Rose,'' Greg laughed. ''I feel like I'm on another world with you.''

The sandy parking lot of the nightclub was overflowing with young people wearing stylish grunge, smokers with glowing cigarettes clamped between their teeth, and passerbys. Greg parked under an ancient elm with spreading branches and carefully locked his van.

Rose took in her surroundings. The nightclub was flanked by a fast-moving creek on one side and low brick buildings on the other. There was an overgrown patio where scrubby shrubs stood in pots like soldiers waiting to be inspected. Shards of glass littered the patio. They gleamed as car lights flashed over them.

''How do you like it?'' Greg was asking.

She turned to him, an enormous smile on her face. ''It's different, wonderful, exciting! And so _loud_!''

They walked through the door and into a wall of sound so deafeningly loud it sent them off balance, making it difficult to put one foot in front of the other. The high-ceilinged room was packed with hundreds of people pushing and shouting and clambering over each other. Rose Quartz could not remember the last time she had associated with so many humans. _Just look at them all!_ She used all her senses to see, hear, taste, smell, and feel as they did. She was able to see changes in their color and the way their chests rose and fell with their breathing, hear their voices, smell their sweat and their breath, feel their tension, and even taste the air around them.

The air crackled wickedly. She felt static move the hairs on Greg arms; she felt it sweep her physical form. Greg clung to her, a grin plastered above the stubble on his chin; they were being jostled on all sides by people moving their bodies in ways Rose had never seen. Some held babies' pacifiers between bared teeth, others waved glow sticks or stared with dilated pupils. A muscular young man wearing heavy women's earrings pushed by her on a mission, popping what looked like a little blue pill into his mouth.

Greg nudged her. He was starting to dance. Rose laughed and covered his face with kisses, doing her best to match him move for move. She noticed that several people were staring at her, commenting on her height and hair; closing her eyes, she lifted her hair sensuously with her fingers and let it fall, curl by curl. She heard Greg gasp in delight. His arms encircled her waist.

Their version of dancing was like having sex standing up, fully clothed. Her body moved seductively against his. Rose Quartz's eyes burned with the light of the strobes pulsing from every direction. She darted her eyes around, taking in the features of the ravers. Their faces glowed in a rainbow of dazzling, complex colors. She saw a pair of young women sporting asymmetrical haircuts bump shyly together and slowly twine their arms around one another. They kissed, and one of them slipped a hand up her companion's tank top to cup her breast.

Rose was mesmerized. She watched the woman take her hand away and reach into her bra for something. It was a tiny plastic bag containing two pills, one red and one green, and what looked like a square of colored paper the size of a fingernail. The woman discreetly removed a pill and the paper from the bag, pushed it deep into the pocket of her skirt, and lay the paper on her tongue. She handed the pill to her friend. They kissed again, passionately, then disappeared into the crowd.

''What were they doing?'' Rose whispered into Greg's ear. ''Those beautiful girls.''

''I think they were... taking something,'' Greg answered under his breath. Rose could barely hear him as the music intensified to a blood-stirring level.

The Gem shook her hips to the music. ''Taking what?''

Greg stared at her, unable to tell if she was joking. ''You don't know? Okay, I'll show you – later.'' He winked at her.

They danced some more. Eventually there was a lull in the music. People moved slowly in knots of two or four, whispering to each other. Rose Quartz felt happier than she had ever felt in her life, happier than she had ever imagined she could be. She cradled Greg and pressed her lips to his forehead.

Greg brushed her cheek, thankful for the depth of love that radiated from her eyes. Rose trusted him completely, loved him fully. His fingers drifted into her warm hair, pulling her face to his. The air was thick around them, as though before a storm. It smelled of humans and fear and instinct, of animals hunting, and being hunted.

They held their breath in anticipation.

The music resumed, madder than before. Ravers screamed as though in agony. All around the room the lights were flashing and changing and flashing and changing. Rose swung Greg round and around, breathing his cologne and the underlying male scent she loved. They danced until a bell rang, ending the night with its shrill scream. The walls were spangled with shivering dots of red light, as though they had been sprayed with blood from a slaughter.

''Wow!'' Greg rasped. He was drenched in sweat, his lips pale. The white hot fire in his flesh subsided. All around them, people were beginning to shuffle out of the building; the floor was littered with foul-smelling debris.

''Let's... let's go rest in the van,'' Greg said breathlessly. ''I need a drink of water...''

* * *

Rose Quartz lay propped on pillows like a queen in her lover's van. She had adjusted her size a little, assumed the height of an average human woman, to better fit in Greg's bed. Greg lay heavily on her lap. In his hand was an empty water bottle. She stroked his thinning hair, and he smiled.

''Are you tired?''

''Exhausted.''

''Did you have fun tonight?''

''You know I did. Did you?''

Rose laughed. ''You know I did.''

''You wanted to know about the pills those girls were taking.''

''Yes. Was it medicine?''

''No.'' Greg forced himself into a sitting position and reached for a bag of trail mix. ''It was probably ecstasy.''

Rose Quartz raised an eyebrow. ''Ecstasy? They were taking _happiness_? In the form of a little colored pill?''

''Yes, and no. Ecstasy is a drug. You know what drugs are, don't you?''

The Gem shook her head. ''Not really.''

''Well.'' Greg tipped trail mix into his mouth. ''A drug is any substance other than food that, when ingested, causes something to change in the body. There are pharmaceutical drugs – medicine – that humans take when they get sick. Then there are psychoactive drugs – like those pills you saw tonight – which some humans take for fun. There are lots of different kinds. Some look like pills, some are powders, or liquids that you shoot into your veins with needles – ''

''That sounds horrible!'' Rose cried.

''It is,'' Greg said seriously. ''It is horrible. But not all psychoactive drugs are the same. They don't work the same or have the same effect on people. Those pills – those are nothing like the powders or crystals or liquids or plants or whatever else.'' He paused, unsure of how to continue. ''It's not good to take them, at least not regularly. They _change_ you. They change how you perceive the world, and not always in a good way.''

''Why do some humans take drugs, then?''

''Because if they take ecstasy, for example, and everything goes right – they get to experience a heightened state of consciousness. Increased empathy, euphoria, heightened sensations.''

Rose thought for a moment. ''That... that sounds a little bit like what it feels like when Gems fuse.''

''Really? Is it possible for Gems to become addicted to fusing?'' He thought of Garnet.

''It is possible. But don't worry, Garnet's not like that. She's a fusion of _love_. She is the very definition of stable. Not all fusions are stable.''

''What about Rainbow Quartz?'' Greg lay his head against her collarbone.

Rose snorted. ''Were you jealous, that night Pearl and I fused?''

''I was amazed.''

''She wanted to make you jealous.''

''I know. She really cares about you.''

Rose looked thoughtful. ''Pearl would do anything for me.''

''So would I.'' Greg kissed her cheek.

''What were going to show me?''

Greg jumped up. ''Oh, that!'' He looked around. ''Now I'm wondering if I even should.''

''What?'' Rose held out her arms. ''Come back here.''

''Let's drive somewhere more private.'' He nodded to the ravers milling around outside the nightclub.

Greg first stopped by a fast food place to get coffee and a bite to eat. Then he drove to a hospital, of all places. He parked the van in a secluded spot in the parking lot and took a sip of his scalding coffee. ''This is a drug too, by the way.''

''Coffee?''

''The alkaloid called caffeine in it. Want any?''

''No, thank you. Is that what you wanted to show me?''

''No...'' Greg felt around in the crevices under the dashboard for several minutes until he found what he was looking for. ''There.'' He flicked dust off what appeared to be a thin, hand-rolled cigarette. ''This is ancient. I'd forgotten it was even here. Smell it.''

Rose Quartz took the joint and sniffed at it gingerly. ''What is it? What do you do with it?''

''It's called cannabis. You smoke it like a cigarette.''

Rose made a face. ''And it's a drug?''

''Yeah. You light the end, like so – '' Greg lit the joint with a match. He inhaled and held the smoke in his lungs before blowing out. Then he took a second drag, turned away from Rose, and blew the smoke into the rear of the van. He offered the joint to her.

The Gem put the joint up to her face with two fingers, holding it like a cigarette. She inhaled the smoke with a long pull as she closed her eyes and bent her head back. She exhaled the smoke through her mouth and pulled the remaining billows through her nose.

Greg blinked. ''Have you done this before?''

''Never. Am I supposed to feel something?''

Greg sipped his coffee and accepted the smoldering joint from her. ''You might feel something. But it's only cannabis, and only a very little bit of it.''

''How will I know?''

''You might feel a sensation of mild to moderate... ecstasy.''

Rose let Greg have the rest of the joint. ''I won't feel anything,'' she said with a hint of sadness in her voice. ''I could ingest those horrible powders and liquids you were talking about. They would have no effect on me.''

Greg furrowed his brow. ''Really? Are you sure? What about alcohol?''

''Not alcohol, not anything. I'm not human, Greg!''

''Oh, Rose.'' Greg stubbed out the joint. ''Don't be sad. It's silly, stupid even, it really is. You don't need drugs or alcohol to have fun. I certainly don't.''

She took his hand. ''It's just... one less experience I can share with you.''

''You'll be able to share plenty of other things with me.'' Greg climbed onto the mattress. ''Come here. I love you so much.''

Rose cuddled him to her breast. He noticed she was wearing her white gown again. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. ''Why did we park at a hospital to smoke... cannabis?''

Greg wiped happy tears from his bloodshot eyes. ''We'll rest here. No one should bother us at a hospital. If they do, we'll just say we were visiting someone and... wanted to catch a few hours' sleep...''

''Are you feeling it?'' Rose giggled. ''Your eyes are so red!''

''I'm tired.'' Greg took a big gulp of coffee. ''I'm so tired.''

''Then sleep, you beautiful man. You beautiful, kind, caring, loving man.''

Greg kissed her hair. ''I don't have to sleep just yet. I want to look at you for a while. I'm glad we took this trip. How do you think the Gems are getting along without you?''

Rose rolled her eyes. ''They're fine. Garnet will keep Pearl and Amethyst from squabbling too much. Greg – that _feeling_ you mentioned – a heightened state of consciousness. Heightened sensations. I know what that feels like. I felt it tonight when we danced.''

''I'm glad to hear it.'' Greg shrugged out of his sweat-damp clothes. He threw them into the front of the van and got new ones out of his overnight bag. Rose put a hand out to stop him. Her eyes were serious.

''We Gems... How do I put this into words? We enjoy music and we enjoy to dance. Both are art in motion. A good beat is like a drug to Gems. It rushes through us, takes over our minds, and makes our physical forms move.''

''That's beautiful.''

''It's true. Human beings have heartbeats. Gems... Gems have something else. We don't really have a word for it. But it's a little analogous to heartbeats.''

Greg suddenly felt wide awake. His heart pounded. ''We could... make up a word for it, if that would help you... explain this thing to me. I'm really interested. What does it feel like?''

''It's like...'' Rose Quartz stretched on the mattress and cupped a hand over her gem. ''Each Gem possesses their own resonant frequency. It would be more accurate to say that our gems possess their own resonances; but then, we _are_ our gems...''

''What about your frequency? Could I hear it?''

''No. It's more something you feel. It thrums.'' She snorted again. ''This is so hard to explain! I don't even know if frequency is the right word to use – rhythm might be better. We feel our frequencies well enough that we can dance to them, alone or with partners. That is how fusion occurs. We get... in sync with one another, and then something happens – we make a _decision_ – and our physical forms are just... pulled together.''

''Just like that?'' Greg's eyes are wide. ''What happens if there's a problem with the frequency?''

''What do you mean?''

''Well, humans can have problems with their hearts that cause their heartbeats to be irregular.''

Rose was confused. ''Frequency isn't analogous to heart.''

''No, but... is it possible to interrupt a Gem's frequency, or change it? If so, what happens then?''

''Oh.'' A shadow seemed to cross Rose's face. ''Homeworld was developing... tools for that. Weapons. They started producing them when... They're long, thin tools. You hit a single Gem with one of them, it doesn't do much harm. But if you hit a fusion, it causes them to unfuse immediately. I have never touched one of these tools. I don't know a great deal about them. But I've seen what they can do. During the war...''

''You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to.''

''It's kind of like a song,'' Rose Quartz said, almost to herself. ''A song our gems sing. Our physical forms, our personalities, everything that we are is comparable to... the words or notes of the song.''

''Gemsong,'' Greg whispered, tasting the word.

They made love after that, and it was the most intense emotional connection Greg had ever felt with anyone. Rose's misery over the cruelty of Homeworld haunted him. He hated to think of a Homeworld Gem using one of those terrible weapons on Garnet, or any of the Crystal Gems.

At midday they began their long drive back to Beach City.


	4. Earth

_No. Not like this_. Amethyst could not stop the words from echoing in her head. She retreated to an abandoned construction site behind the storage facility, feeling a vast emptiness.

 _I shouldn't have kissed him_ , she thought, clawing the wind-whipped hair out of her eyes with shaking hands. _I shouldn't have done it. I'm an idiot. What the hell was I thinking?_ She pressed her hands to her gem while she caught her breath; her eyes were very big. Acid burned at the back of her throat as she dropped her hands, panting.

It was beginning to rain. Amethyst gratefully turned her face toward the cooling drops. She crossed the rutted ground of the construction site, skidded down a mud slope, and wandered into a copse of willow and poplar. She found a hollow tree and crawled into it. There she huddled in the darkness while the night wore on, hearing only the rain dripping from the willow's snaking, whiplike branches.

Being in small compressed spaces comforted Amethyst, the tighter the better. The narrow gap in the tree reminded her of the hole she had emerged from in the Kindergarten millenia before. It was not dry like the hole, it smelled of mulch rather than stone, and its shape was not fitted to the contours of her body. But Amethyst was content to sit there, to be still, to do nothing and think of less, for hours.

At first light she crept out of the sheltering trees and scanned the sky above. _Okay. Time to go home._ A moment's concentration was all it took; her physical form transformed effortlessly into a bird of prey with the sharp, bold head of a sparrowhawk. With one powerful beat of her wings, Amethyst lifted off the ground, blasting the area with wind, and soared high into the chill air.

A suburban waste unfolded beneath her. There was a small area of dense woodland which gave way to the rugged flat of the construction site, dull blocks of apartments, and the weed-choked parking lot of the storage facility. Greg's van was still there, parked beside an oblong pool of rainwater with leaves floating on its surface.

In the shadowed streets, Beach City was waking. It was busy and full of vehicles with their windows cracked to let in the fresh morning air and their music turned up. Lights burned in houses near the center of town. Along the boardwalk, shopkeepers were setting up for the day, and in Dewey Park, trees writhed and twisted in the salt breeze.

The rich scent of petrichor triggered a thrill which sang through Amethyst's bird form. _Earth_ , she mused to herself, angling her wings for maximum speed. _This is the world I was made in. For centuries, I lay deep underground, nourished by the rock around me until I was ready to emerge. Digging my way out was hard; a landslide had covered the mouth of my hole with a ton of rubble. By the time the dust settled, the Kindergarten was deserted. I stood on the tumbled rocks and waited for someone to come for me, to tell me what to do..._

 _I was Amethyst. An amethyst. A quartz soldier with too much energy for my own good. Or so Pearl tells me. My gem was humming with too much energy for me to stay in my hole any longer. But I stayed anyway, because I didn't know another place to go. I stayed through sunrises and sunsets, seasons, years, until Rose Quartz found me and showed me my purpose in life._

 _The Crystal Gems._

Now the sloping hill of the lighthouse came into view. Amethyst could just make out her shadow against the rippling grass. A persistent angst tugged at her gut; she cried out in frustration as she dove for home.

The warp pad in the palm of the statue on the Crystal Temple gleamed like a polished mirror in the morning light. A new washing machine and dryer were crowded to one side; a clothesline strung between the stone fingers trembled in the wind.

Just as Amethyst was about to land, the warp pad burst into light. Pearl appeared, carrying a basket of dirty laundry. She cried out as Amethyst narrowly avoided colliding with her.

''Amethyst!'' She sat down the basket with a thump.

''Morning, P.'' The purple Gem reverted to her intended form and regarded her friend with an amused expression.

''Where were you all last night?'' She began to load the laundry into the washer, frowning at the grass stains on Steven's jeans.

''What do you care?''

Pearl slammed the washer shut. ''I care. What's wrong? Did you have an argument with Greg?''

Amethyst bristled. ''Why?''

''Were you with _him_ all night?''

Amethyst stepped past Pearl and onto the warp pad. She warped into the house and began to pace through the rooms, sick with agitation.

 _Greg..._

 _I'm stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I should never have kissed him. But it had been so long since I..._

 _I like Greg. I always have. I look up to him. Hell, I even copied his hairstyle last time I reformed. How can I face him now? He... he didn't want me. I wanted him, but he didn't want me._

Eventually, she went into her room and slumped onto a pile of unsorted objects she had collected over the centuries. The jumble of furniture, plastic, musical instruments, moldering takeout boxes, begrimed oil paintings, books, damp-spotted prints, tiles, bottles, light bulbs, ashtrays, and myriad other odds and ends was heaped around a shallow lake of icy water.

A length of rotten driftwood splintered under her foot, sending her sliding into the cold silt of the lake.

Amethyst sat for a while fingering her soaked hair. She felt a deep weariness with herself. _I'm lonely, that's the problem. I've been so lonely since Rose..._ She staggered to her feet, fighting back tears. She hated to cry.

 _I don't have enough in common with Garnet or Pearl. Not anymore. The three of us used to be so close... We were close because Rose Quartz wanted us to be. Now she's gone, and..._

 _Greg has always been my friend. He's a lot like Rose was; caring, kind. And Steven! They're both great to be around. Greg's more fun than Steven because he's older, he gets me better. He also knew Rose... Steven will never know her, except through us._

 _Whatever. I'll talk to Greg, apologize for stealing that kiss. He'll understand..._

* * *

In that stealthy moment just before awakening, a nightmare invaded Steven's mind. He dreamed he had fallen in dirt. Cold, foul dirt. It was cold all around him, and very dark, as if he were in a deep place. He tried to stand, but pain coursed through him from his rough landing.

He was not alone. Bodies pressed him from every direction. He heard a woman's voice, a desperate, shrill, shrieking voice in agony. He felt himself being clutched, pulled deeper into the darkness.

And then suddenly a sound came out of the darkness that was like nothing he had ever experienced; it rocked him to the core. The sound was accompanied by a blinding brilliance which swept away the dark. He was being clutched harder... Women's screams filled the air like the voices of a thousand maddened insects.

The dream faded, leaving Steven with an incomprehensible feeling of sorrow. He sat up in bed, tears threatening to gush. That first, familiar voice...

''Pearl,'' the boy called. He looked around the room. With the nightmare fresh in his mind, it looked bland and lonely, empty of feeling. He thought of the nightmare. It was quickly evaporating from his mind like moisture from a hot surface.

Sunlight fell across his bed in bright parallelograms. The sight caused him to flinch. He threw his covers aside and went down the stairs into the living room. A horrible tone seemed to be ringing in his ears; he found himself pulling at his earlobes, as if that would help.

He shouted at the Temple Gate. ''Pearl?''

The warp pad activated behind him. Garnet stepped off it, balancing a pair of bubbled gems. ''Good morning, Steven. Did you sleep well?'' The bubbles disappeared and she placed her hands on her hips. A friendly smile tugged at her mouth.

''Garnet! Do you know where Pearl is?''

Garnet's visor flashed in the sun streaming through the windows. ''We went on a mission. She'll be back in a bit. Didn't you sleep? Your eyes...''

''I had a nightmare,'' Steven blurted.

''Nightmare? What about?'' the fusion asked with concern.

''Pearl. Is she alright?''

''Of course Pearl is alright.'' Garnet gently worked her fingers through his thick curls. ''Why wouldn't she be?''

''I dreamed she was screaming. Actually, a lot of people were screaming – ''

Pearl appeared on the warp pad. ''Steven! You're awake early.''

Steven threw his arms around her, buried his face in her stomach. Pearl looked at Garnet in surprise before tentatively returning the hug.

''He had a nightmare,'' Garnet explained.

Steven tugged at his ear. ''What is that sound? Do you guys hear a sound? Where is it coming from?''

''I don't hear anything.''

''What kind of sound?'' Garnet asked.

''It's... _really_ hard to describe. I heard it in my dream. It was a chorus, a harmony, a counterpoint, a cacophony. I could try singing it...'' The boy hummed, then vocalized the notes. ''It was like that, but...'' He shrugged, an odd expression on his face.

''It was just a bad dream, Steven.''

''You were in it, Pearl. I heard you.''

''Singing?''

''Screaming. Crying.'' Steven had all but forgotten the blinding flare that came with the sound.

''Is the child sick?'' Pearl asked Garnet. She felt Steven's forehead, peered into his eyes. ''Do you think he could be sick?''

''He had a bad dream,'' Garnet replied. Her voice was unusually harsh. ''That's all. There's no need to worry.'' She walked back to the warp pad and disappeared in its flash.

''Is she angry?'' Steven quavered.

Pearl pulled a thread from his pyjamas. ''No. Garnet probably just has something on her mind. Now, what would you like for breakfast?''

Steven didn't feel like eating. Pearl poured him a glass of orange juice and leaned against the kitchen bar. ''How do you feel? Should I call your father?''

Steven drank his juice. ''You don't have to.''

''You're not eating,'' the Gem said nervously. ''You always eat breakfast in the morning.''

''I'm not hungry.''

''But you're a growing human child...''

''Why don't you ever eat? Amethyst eats everything she can get her hands on.''

Pearl's hand flew to her throat. She swallowed hard.

''Do you remember what foods Mom liked?''

Pearl smiled ruefully. ''I remember everything about your mother.''

''What's your best memory?''

''Oh, Steven.'' She tipped the last of the orange juice into his glass. ''That's impossible to say. Rose Quartz was... everything to me. She was my dearest friend and my greatest joy in this world. I could not fathom an existence without her...''

Steven finished his juice. Pearl took the glass from him and set about washing it. She glanced sidelong at the little boy, who looked like he was about to cry.

The Gem flicked water from her hands and gathered him into her arms. ''Forgive me,'' she whispered.

''For what?''

Pearl didn't answer, but stroked a hand down his face tenderly.

The song from Steven's dream came back to him, threading through his mind. He hummed and whistled softly.

''Is _that_ the song?''

''It's as close as I can remember.''

''It sounds like...'' She shook her head violently. ''I know a song, Steven. Let me sing it to you and you tell me if you like it.'' She made Steven sit while she sang a slow song she had learned on the bank of a great river. She was still singing an hour later when Garnet returned.

''Beautiful song,'' the fusion said, smiling. ''You must teach it to me one day.''

''I will,'' Pearl said, her voice edged with fear. ''It's a good song. A lot better than his rendition of – ''

''Pearl,'' Garnet warned in a low tone. ''Let's not talk about this now, and certainly not in front of Steven.''

Pearl moved her head in an imperceptible bow. ''Yes, Garnet.''

The fusion went into the Temple, leaving Pearl and Steven alone. Pearl mustered a smile, which faded as she studied the boy's troubled profile. He looked at the portrait above the door, then quickly away.

 _Rose_ , she thought. _Does he have any of her memories?_ She was afraid to ask, afraid of what his answer might be. Afraid of what she _wanted_ his answer to be.

She ruffled Steven's hair and was rewarded with a sparkling smile.

His stomach growled loudly. Pearl leaned her forehead on his and chuckled. ''Let me find you something to eat.'' She opened the refrigerator. It was empty except for milk, eggs, and mayonnaise. The Gem heaved a sigh. ''Amethyst!'' she yelled. '' _Amethyst_!''

''What is it?'' the quartz whined, coming into the kitchen from her room. Her expression was as dark as a thundercloud.

Pearl was opening cabinets and slamming them shut. ''You've eaten everything in the house! What am I supposed to give Steven for lunch?''

''Beats me.'' She sullenly made her way to a vase containing a bouquet of gladioli and began to pick at the crisp blossoms.

''Stop that!'' Pearl snatched the vase away.

Steven watched them with round eyes. ''Let's just go to the grocery store.''

''I don't think...'' Pearl began. She was wary of crowds of humans and disliked going to town.

''Amethyst and I can go,'' Steven said. ''We can carry the groceries on my bike.''

''Do either of you have any money?'' Pearl asked.

They slowly shook their heads.

Pearl pinched the bridge of her nose. ''Fine. I'll call Greg and ask him to bring food. In the meantime...'' She rummaged in the freezer and found a box of waffles.

''When will Greg be here?''

''After six,'' Pearl replied distractedly. Steven was teaching her how to make scrambled eggs to go with the waffles.

Amethyst summoned her whip and prowled the house like a caged animal. Finally, she collapsed onto the couch, her whip snaking over her chest and hot tears stinging her eyes.

Pearl came to sit beside her. ''Tell me what's wrong.''

''I can't.''

''You're worrying Steven. Please tell me what's wrong.''

Amethyst shifted into a sitting position and ran a hand through a matted length of her hair. ''I...'' she began.

''What?'' Pearl pressed. Like all pearls, she liked to be confided in. Her china blue eyes bored into Amethyst until they had extracted a deep blush from her cheeks.

''I miss Rose,'' Amethyst rasped. It was not a lie. Tears gathered along her eyelashes.

In the kitchen, Steven trembled at the sound of his mother's name. He put his plate in the sink and went to take a shower.

Pearl pulled Amethyst into her arms. Amethyst resisted for a moment, then settled stiffly into the embrace. Pearl rested her cheek on Amethyst's head and stroked her palms down her back. ''I love you,'' she whispered. ''Never forget that. I love you.''

Amethyst snorted. ''I love you too, P.'' She gently pulled away and stood up, feeling marginally better.

* * *

When Greg arrived, she met him at the door and greeted him with a calm smile. ''Hi. Nice to see you.''

Greg stared at her. ''Nice to see you, too.'' He handed her a heavy bag of groceries. ''Where's Steven?''

''On the beach with Garnet and Pearl. They'll be back any minute.'' She began to put the groceries away.

Greg nodded and set a second bag on the floor. A can of soup rolled out and he picked it up, set it on the counter. ''Could I please have a glass of that soda?'' He pointed to a bottle by the refrigerator.

''Of course,'' Amethyst said amiably. She filled a glass with ice and poured the soda, stopping before the foam spilled over. ''Would you like anything else?''

''No.'' Greg accepted the glass. ''Thank you.'' He allowed his eyes to travel slowly over her. ''I – I wanted to ask you...''

Steven burst into the house, followed by Garnet and Pearl. They were all in a happy mood. A crown of beach flowers nestled on Steven's head. Pearl admired a perfect seashell she had found, and Garnet was smiling wide enough to show the dimple in her right cheek. The dimple disappeared when she noticed how Amethyst was looking at Greg.

The Gems arranged themselves in the living room while Greg and Steven threw together some dinner. They brought their plates to the coffee table and talked about how their days had gone.

Steven curled in Garnet's lap, his nightmare forgotten. He felt drowsy and content. He watched Pearl clear the dinner plates from the table. She winked at him.

 _This is my life_ , he thought. _These are my friends, my family_. He turned over Garnet's hands and traced the gleaming stones in her palms. It never occurred to him to wonder why Garnet had two gems rather than one like Pearl and Amethyst.

Greg made himself a cup of tea and and settled beside his son. Raising the mug to his lips, he halted and suddenly set it down on the table. Amethyst was pressing her thigh against his. He glanced nervously at Garnet, whose face was inexpressive behind her visor. Pearl stood at the window, staring at the darkening sky.

Steven yawned and climbed onto his father's knees. Greg patted him on the back. Soon the boy's eyes closed in sleep. Greg carried him to bed and carefully tucked him in with a teddy bear.

He gulped down his tea and belched. ''Sorry,'' he muttered to no one in particular. He looked at Amethyst, who was watching him through a fall of hair. Her eyes followed him as he took his empty mug into the kitchen.

''Why is everyone so quiet all of a sudden?'' Pearl tittered, turning from the window.

''We're thinking,'' Garnet responded enigmatically. ''Planning. Referring back to past experiences to find comparisons in an effort to find solutions for life's challenges.''

''What?'' Pearl huffed. ''That doesn't make any sense.''

''It does.'' A slow smile spread over Garnet's face. ''It does make sense.''

''Amethyst,'' Greg said. ''Would you like to watch more _L'il Butler_ tonight?''

The quartz jumped. ''Yeah, why not?'' she said carefully.

''Well... it's night now. Do you wanna go?''

''Sure.'' Amethyst pushed up off the couch.

''Have fun,'' Garnet said as her friends walked out the door.

* * *

Greg and Amethyst pushed shyly into the storage unit. Sweat beaded Amethyst's palms; the bottle of wine she was holding almost slipped out of her hand. She set it on an old trunk and looked back at Greg, who was scratching his beard. She snickered at him, and he grinned.

They reclined on the makeshift bed of cushions and blankets as the show began. Amethyst tasted her wine. ''I wanted to talk to you about... last night,'' she said. ''Or... I mean... I wanted to apologize about last night.''

Greg tore his eyes from the television screen. ''Apologize? Why? It's me who should apologize.''

''I _kissed_ you,'' she rasped. ''I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me.''

''I didn't mind you kissing me.'' Greg took a long swallow from his glass and watched the play of emotions across her face. ''I just didn't... didn't expect you to kiss me like _that_.'' His eyes drifted back to the television.

Amethyst felt faint. Her gem thrummed with emotion. ''Did you really not mind?'' she asked, plucking at his sleeve.

Greg turned his full attention to the Gem. He had never seen her look so vulnerable. Her eyes seemed feverish and her skin was very pale. He drained his glass.

Amethyst drew a shuddering breath. ''Would it be okay if I... kissed you again?''

''Yeah. I'd like that.''

Amethyst pressed her full lips to his, kissing him gently, allowing him to accustom himself to the feel of her.

''Wow,'' Greg mumbled, not knowing what else to say. ''Thanks.''

She paused, her lips so close to his that all she needed to do was breathe to touch him. Her hands massaged the back of his head, fingers twining through his hair. His skin felt warm and infinitely intriguing.

Greg eased her to the floor. His lips moved against hers, opening her mouth. His tongue darted inside. He pressed his face tighter to hers, the air in their lungs connecting for a few brief seconds.

Amethyst's physical form tensed. She could feel Greg's erection growing as the seconds passed. Neither of them moved or breathed. And just when she thought they might be at another impasse, his hand cupped her one of her breasts. She welcomed the caress of his thumb over her nipple. Warmth engulfed her body. As his hand moved, and lips replaced those caressing fingers, she felt as if she might burst into flames.

''Are you sure you want this?'' she asked hoarsely. ''Are you sure you want _me_?'' Her fingers became entangled in the slightly curly hair at the nape of his neck as she held him to her. The moist caress of his lips against her collarbone caused her to shiver in delight. Her breath came in short, hollow gasps.

''Oh, fuck,'' Greg murmured as he buried his face in the heavy waves of her wisteria hair.

''What?'' Amethyst cried, suddenly afraid.

Greg didn't answer, but slid his lightly callused hands inside her tunic and skimmed her breasts with the tips of his fingers. He held her close and kissed her again. A minute passed before he came up for air.

Amethyst caused her projected clothing to disappear and helped Greg out of his shirt and cut-off jeans.

''So, we're really going to do this?'' Greg's face was flushed, damp, and warm.

''Only if you want to.''

Greg took a swig from the wine bottle, replaced it on the trunk. He glanced at the television, which was still on.

''You people have too much money,'' Amethyst laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

 _Okay_. He took Amethyst's breast in his mouth, and she giggled. The sound rocketed through him. He swept his eyes over her physical form and remembered what Rose had said about Gems.

 _We can create an amazingly accurate simulation of a human body by shape-shifting. This can allow us to experiment with human experience; we can make lungs and experience breathing, or a stomach and experience eating._

 _I would like to experience birth._

Amethyst ran her hands over his arms and back, loving the heat of his skin, the texture of his flesh, soft over firm. Greg was _real._ Her physical form looked and felt like the body of a human woman, but it was still a simulation with which she could experience only so much. Amethyst liked to eat, but she had never experienced hunger, and could not imagine it. Ageing and illness meant nothing to her. Sex between a human man and woman often leads to pregnancy. But this would never happen to Amethyst unless she took the trouble to form a womb.

 _And why would I want to do that?_ she thought as Greg covered her with his body. _I could never willingly give up my physical form, like Rose did... I may not be real in the way that humans are real, but my physical form is the best thing I know. It teaches me to accept limitations and work with what I've got_.

She opened her thighs and wrapped her legs around Greg as far as they would go, kissing his neck as he thrust into her. She mewled in desperation, arching to meet him, willing him to move with her to give her release from the tension that coiled tightly in her.

The blanket slid beneath them. Cushions tumbled to the side.

Amethyst bit the inside of her wrist to keep from crying out. Her eyes blurred with tears, and she blinked rapidly to clear her vision. ''Now,'' she grunted, digging her nails into his kidneys. He obeyed her, and moved faster, pushing hard, until finally he gave one last thrust, spilling himself into her.

She whimpered as they stilled.

''Oh, man.'' Greg took several deep breaths.

The quartz rolled over to look at him. Her full breasts pressed against his upper arm as she brushed the hair from his forehead with gentle fingers. Her bent knee rested against his ribs. Greg suddenly wished that Amethyst were taller. Her lack of height hadn't made one damn bit of difference in bed, but now she looked tiny, childlike.

He turned towards her and touched her cheek. ''How do you feel?''

''Good. Better.''

''I feel better, too. You're beautiful.''

Amethyst blushed. ''No one's ever told me that before. Except Rose.''

 _Rose._

Greg sighed. He reached for the bottle of wine. There wasn't much left. He passed it to Amethyst, who polished it off.

''What do we do now?'' she asked, playing with her hair. She wrapped a section around her index finger, and Greg was reminded of Rose's curls.

''I'm tired. I need to sleep. I've got work tomorrow.''

''Okay. I'll go.'' She stood, and he caught a brief glimpse of her curves before her tunic and leggings reappeared in a haze of light. She handed his clothes to him and started out the door.

''Wait,'' he said, struggling into his pants. He brushed a last kiss on her trembling mouth before she walked into the night.

* * *

Amethyst changed into a bird for the second time that day and flew homewards. She warped into the beach house, where Steven slumbered peacefully. She watched him from the living room with complete absorption until Garnet spoke her name.

''You're back,'' the fusion observed. ''How was it?''

''How was what?'' Amethyst summoned her whip and twisted it nervously.

''Your night with Greg.'' She held up her hands when Amethyst frowned, her expression darkening.

''Don't tell Pearl,'' the quartz begged.

''I would never,'' Garnet assured her. ''But... how was it?''

Amethyst thought for a moment. ''It was nice. Just what I needed.''

''What about Greg?''

Amethyst's glower returned. ''He was thinking about Rose the whole time. I could tell.''

Garnet took off her visor. Her brows were raised in feigned surprise.

''I was thinking of her, too,'' the quartz admitted. ''But for different reasons. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a mother?''

''No. I've often thought about what it would be like to be a mother.'' She looked at Steven.

''I – I gotta go.'' Amethyst hopped onto the warp pad. ''There's somewhere I need to be.''

Garnet nodded and slowly started in the direction of Steven's bed. She sat at the top of the stairs and watched his eyes move under the delicate skin of his lids. _He's dreaming. What is he dreaming about?_

The house roared with silence. Garnet suddenly felt apprehensive. Steven's rendering of the song from his nightmare came back to her, soon to reach its crescendo.

 _The Diamonds!_

She went into the Temple to think. Conflicting emotions pulled her back and forth. It scared her to think that Steven could know, could somehow recall what they, the Crystal Gems, had witnessed thousands of years ago.

''No!'' Garnet cried in a gravelly voice unlike her own. ''It's not possible!'' She was beginning to panic; she summoned a gauntlet and delivered a hard punch to the stone wall. She staggered back, tears streaming from her eyes. Her body began to flicker softly. It grew brighter and separated into two beings, one of which was cowering on the damp floor.

''Calm yourself, Ruby.''

''I can't!'' the small figure cried from the flagstones. ''Steven is not Rose Quartz! He's not supposed to have any of her memories, not a single one! Ahh!''

Sapphire put both arms around Ruby to stop her shaking. ''Listen, my love. I agree that this... situation is less than ideal. But it will work itself out in time.''

Ruby sat up. ''What do you mean?''

''Just what I said.''

''I don't understand.''

''Neither do I. Just trust me...''

Ruby touched her gem to Sapphire's. ''I trust you in all things.''

The two embraced and fused.

* * *

The Prime Kindergarten.

Standing on the warp pad, looking at the high canyon walls, Amethyst felt a flood of emotions that overflowed and invaded her whole being.

The canyon was dark, swallowing up the tiny ration of moonlight which penetrated there. Gem-shaped holes honeycombed the rock faces and ancient Gem machinery littered the ground. Amethyst jumped from the warp pad and took a wary step forward.

A strong wind blew through the canyon, kicking up dust. Then came a breathless stillness. The quartz summoned her whip and started walking.

Clouds of sand swirled at her feet. She made her way noiselessly over rocks and other debris, pausing now and then to listen for danger. No sounds came from the massive fallen Injectors or the gaping holes in the cliffs, and she kept walking. She walked until she came to her hole at the base of an escarpment of dull purple rock.

She ran for the hole and dove inside headfirst. She hit the ground and scrambled to climb inside.

The hole was cool and dry. Amethyst always came here when she needed to think, to be alone, and to feel comforted.

She curled on the sandy floor and breathed the sweet familiarity of that timeless scent that was the smell of stone in the darkness, the primal air tangled with the invisible presence of all the innumerable Gems who had been made here over thousands of years. She breathed it and welcomed it like an old friend.

She thought about her real friends. She thought about Greg, the way he'd helped her tonight. A blush heated her face; she cooled it against the hole's smooth wall. _Earth_.

 _Human experience._

Involuntarily Amethyst shuddered. She looked upward to the top of the canyon to see the broken Injectors protruding from the boulders. They glittered dangerously in the dim light.

Fog was spreading through the canyon now that the wind had died down. She started to get up and head back to the warp pad, when a glint caught her eye. Amid the spill of rocks and twisted metal one small object vied for attention. Amethyst bent close and reached out for it. Her fingers found a smooth piece of stone. Dirt fell away, revealing a fragment of a gem.

Amethyst recoiled and dropped the fragment, rubbing her fingers as if it had burned her. Slowly, she retrieved the fragment and examined it closely. The color was nearly identical to her own gem. _Another amethyst. She must have been made here, too. Who shattered her, and why?_ The quartz surveyed the Kindergarten with a mixture of curiosity and horror.

The sky over the canyon was growing steadily lighter and the fog was already beginning to dissipate. A deafening sadness hung in the air. Amethyst bubbled the broken gem and warped back to the Temple.

It was years before she returned to her hole.


	5. My Pearl

_Rose Quartz plunged through the slick underbrush. Her strawberry curls unfurled deep and wide across her back, sticking to her skin with rain and perspiration. They matted against her forehead and cheeks. In the shifting shadows of the trees, her powerful body glistened like the surface of a pond on a windless night. Twice she paused to allow Pearl to catch up; they scoured the forest surrounding them with alert eyes._

 _''Notice anything?'' Rose Quartz whispered._

 _''No...''_

 _''I think they've stopped following us.''_

 _Pearl squinted up through the dense canopy of needled branches. Then she looked at Rose. ''We should keep going...''_

 _The quartz laughed low in her throat._

 _''What?'' Pearl said, trying not to sound annoyed. She tightened her grip on the hilts of her twin swords._

 _''Look at you.'' Rose Quartz picked a leaf from her hair. ''You beauty.''_

 _Pearl managed a feeble smile._

 _Rose Quartz shook out her white skirts before pushing on._

 _Wet leaves slapped at their faces. Lightning flooded the darkening sky. Pearl opened her mouth to speak, but the sound was snatched by a gust of wind, then drowned by a jarring crack of thunder. Sheets of rain blasted the forest._

 _The trees gave way to a small clearing where a cave mouth yawned in the side of the mountain. The cave smelled dank and foul. Pearl hesitated at the low opening, but Rose Quartz gave her a gentle push inside._

 _''It's okay,'' she coaxed._

 _Pearl's numb fingers uncurled. The swords fell from her hands._

 _Rose settled against the cave wall, trying to relax, but it wasn't easy. Memories of their attack on the Cloud Arena filtered through her mind._

 _Pearl crouched at the mouth of the cave, her swords beside her. Rose Quartz watched as she held out a palm to the driving rain. After a few moments she brought her palm to her mouth and tasted the water that had collected there._

 _Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled._

 _Rose Quartz touched the sheer hem of Pearl's tunic._

 _''Yes, Rose Quartz?''_

 _She didn't say anything, only traced the outline of Pearl's spine with her fingertips._

 _Pearl came to sit next to her on the compacted soil of the cave floor._

 _''My Pearl. What would I do without you?''_

 _Pearl solemnly touched a finger to the smooth gem at her hairline. ''You'll never be without me.''_


	6. The River

1

 _An ancient axiom for weather forecasting: red skies in the evening are a sign of fair weather; red skies in the morning are a sign of coming rain._

* * *

Pearl jumped out over the beach and landed in a fifth position demi-plié. Arms extended, back straight, she bent her knees into grand-plié, and then up, sliding into fourth position. She leaped out, once, twice, three times, high across the shore, to music only she could hear. She raised her arms slowly, lifted her right leg into a passé, and then as slowly straightened it into an arabesque, keeping one arm curved above her head, the other curved in front of her. When she felt like this – when her sadness became too great to bear, when her loneliness became too deep to share – there was nothing to do but dance.

Memories, thousands of memories, drifted through her mind all at once, in fragments and pieces that didn't fit well together. Like a broken mosaic, like curtains and clouds, waves, moods, butterflies, birds, they passed over her.

She danced with infinite grace and agility. She had an understanding of the space surrounding her and created her three-dimensional shapes in relation to it. Friction, spin and gravity; energy, mass and light; the embodiment of the geometrics of crystal structures brought to life. As she spun, she kicked off one slipper, then the other. They winked out of existence as they left her feet. Her movements were an amalgam of sensual languor and military precision as she keyed them to the rhythm of her gemsong.

It was nearing dawn. Small, white-crested waves rolled onto the shore. A seagull cried overhead and Pearl lifted her eyes to watch its mournful ballet, pale against the fathomless sky. Her gemsong thrummed with the tide until she felt something collapse deep inside her, a darkness falling in on itself, bending, breaking. Moisture beaded her eyelashes. She tasted brine on her lips, like tears or spray.

The Gem ended her dance with a dramatic fall to the wet sand. A wave crashed around her physical form with an explosive roar. Foam flew in every direction. Pearl got to her feet and walked a few steps into the ocean. The water felt cold on her legs, but she dove straight in.

She drifted in the current and was lifted by the waves. The rip ran swiftly along the beach. It carried her parallel to the sand, all the way to a solitary long rock jutting out into the water. Pearl climbed onto the rock and watched the dawn break over the ocean.

 _ _Red sky at night, sailors' delight. Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning__ _._

Pearl glanced briefly at the Crystal Temple, then looked back out to sea. She stretched full length on the rock, letting the waves surge around her bare feet. Seagrass undulated past her toes. She imagined Rose Quartz lying beside her, naked, cold salt water coursing over her hips and thighs, swirling between her legs. She imagined stroking her broad shoulders and back, delighting in the sleek strength of her muscles.

Closing her eyes, she could feel Rose's warm breath caress the sensitive flesh at the curve of her neck. She remembered the sensation of her lips pressing the tender place just behind her ear. The taste of sea salt on her skin. The tickle of her fingers in her hair. The desire that pulsed a rhythmic beat, steadily accelerating, deep and achingly persistent –

Pearl's eyes flew open. She lowered her head and pressed her hands to the sides of her face, breathing hard. Her memories were so clear, so vivid. Too vivid. It was almost as if she were once again nestled on Rose Quartz's lap, once again feeling her hands slide around her waist, once again tasting her kiss...

 _ _Madness__ _._

She turned onto her stomach and pushed herself up onto her hands and knees, sat back on her heels. The early morning sun was beginning to heat the air. It glinted off the water's changing surfaces in blinding flashes.

Pearl raked her damp hair back from her gem.

 _ _This is madness__ _..._

Without volition, her hand stilled in the act of lifting her hair; that was when she realized she was shaking. Beads of sweat pricked her brow. She trapped her lower lip between her teeth, the tears in her eyes welling over her lashes onto her cheeks.

''I've lost so much,'' she whispered in a voice like the wafting of a cobweb in a breeze. ''I will never have peace again.''

The Gem drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around them, bending her head low. An empty ache filled her. She looked out over the ocean, so vast, so deep. All sound seemed muted. She felt as though she'd just emerged from the waves and her ears were still full of water. The world swam before her eyes and no matter how hard she blinked, she couldn't seem to focus.

She sank onto the rock and put her face in her hands. It was a long time before her grief started to wane, her tears started to lessen, her sobs became muted.

The weathered granite felt good against her back. Solid. Reassuring. Pearl huffed a little and crossed her hands over her abdomen. She splayed her fingers on her rib cage and slowly slid them up her torso toward her breasts. She touched the undersides of her breasts, cupping the small mounds, feeling the heat of the sun against her soft flesh. She imagined that it was Rose Quartz's touch that seared her.

She brushed her palms over her nipples, and they tightened in response. Her stomach twitched beneath her fingertips as she moved on. Down. Around her navel. To the velvet-like fabric of her leggings.

 _ _This is madness__ _..._

Yearning speared through her, so sharp and potent, that her vision clouded and her physical form trembled. A stray tear slipped down her cheek, catching in the corner of her mouth. Sensation rippled along her simulated nerve endings. But it wasn't enough to satisfy the restless need inside of her. Not even close. She didn't want her own touch.

 _ _I want you, Rose__ _._

* * *

Greg awoke to the feeling of a finger gently stroking the outer curve of his ear. Slowly, things filtered into his mind, other sensations. The rasp of well-worn sheets against his skin. Light falling in through the curtains. The air in the van had been warmed and turned by the morning sun. Another hot day. He needed to open a window: the bedclothes were tangled around him.

The mattress crackled as Amethyst shifted her weight. He heard her pull in a shuddering breath, then felt her small hands on his shoulders, her naked breasts against his back. Her belly and legs fastened against him and she touched her mouth to the back of his neck, sending shivering ripples all over his body.

Greg clenched his hands against the erection that was already straining the front of his boxer shorts. The little quartz's touch had a powerful effect on his body. Hell, all she really had to do was lie beside him and he'd get hard.

''Good morning.''

''Good morning to you, too.'' The Gem leaned forward so that her hair tumbled seductively around Greg's face. Gazing into his sleep-edged eyes, she let her fingers toy with the wiry hair on his chest, then held them still, feeling each breath he took, each beat of his heart. The heat of his skin called to her. Unable to resist, she hooked her fingers under the waistband of his boxers, eased the elastic away from his body, and pulled downward until she felt him spring free.

''Amethyst,'' Greg objected, making a vain attempt to push her off him. ''What are you doing?''

''I want you,'' she said in a voice like raw honey.

 _ _I want you__ _._

''Amethyst – ''

 _ _I want to be with you. Take pictures with you and cook with you and go on long drives through the countryside with you__ _._

''What?''

Greg lay back, staring at the dust motes spiraling in a shaft of light thrown by the window. They shimmered gold and silver and red, distracting him. He wanted to be distracted from the sadness he was feeling.

''Are you okay?''

 _ _I can be myself with you. I love our shared interests. I love that you know me well enough to finish my sentences for me. I love the bond we have. I love that incredible feeling that your happiness matters to me as much as my own__ _._

''Yeah,'' Greg responded absently. ''I'm okay.''

 _ _I want__ _–_

Sex with Amethyst had turned into a tantalizing mix of desire and denial. Though they couldn't completely surrender to their bodies' demands, they'd discovered a connection that was deep and stirring and strong. And yet, at other moments, Greg felt as if the connection was so tenuous it could be broken with just one wrong move or careless word.

Amethyst flung a leg over him, taking him inside her. The pale purple of her skin was dusted with sparkling particles that seemed to live and breathe, swirling up and over his hands as he kneaded the toned muscles of her thighs and buttocks.

''That feels amazing,'' she murmured. ''Don't stop touching me.'' She rolled her hips over his, finding the places where the movement gave her pleasure, observing how it affected him. He watched her as she did it, his eyes filled with fire. They rocked in tandem through smiles, frowns, time, space, between oceans, between shame and expectations. They kissed until they were panting into each other's mouths.

''Fuck,'' Greg croaked as Amethyst flexed her inner muscles around him. ''Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. So good. Oh... '' He placed his hands on her sides, helping her gain speed. Each time she thrust against him, his cock hardened further within her tight channel. He skimmed his hands up her body, touching her with a reverence that brought tears to her eyes.

''Greg! I – I feel...''

''How do you feel?''

''This is too much. I feel too much,'' she sobbed. ''Stars...''

''Not yet,'' Greg ground out through gritted teeth. He waited until the Gem threw her head back, exposing the glistening column of her throat. Then, without warning, he flipped her beneath him, ignoring her surprised shriek, and thrust into her so hard, her waist lifted off the bed.

Amethyst whimpered, her eyes going wide at the rough impact. Then she cracked a feral smile. The bright sun caught her slightly elongated cuspids as she adjusted to the new position.

She brought her hands to Greg's back. Her fingers spread and flexed as contact with his hair-roughened skin made things stir and shift deep inside her. She could almost taste release. She could feel it coming, and then it was there. With a tearing moan, she was overcome by the bursting dam of pleasure, the rippling spasms of her physical form. And just when she thought she could take no more, just when her vision began to blur and the world tipped precariously out of control, Greg let out a hoarse cry and she felt the wet heat of him fill her.

Collapsing onto the quartz in tremors, Greg sighed. Relief rinsed over him. That relief was quickly replaced by guilt, and then by melancholy that sharpened with every breath.

He rolled away from Amethyst and turned on the clock radio beside the bed. It was tuned to the country and western station. They heard the end of a bluegrass cut, the very end, and then a goodbye song came on. _Goodbye, my friend_. The woman singing it had tender, timbrous voice, parceling out regrets and goodbyes and understanding. As Greg listened, tears gathered in his eyes, burning.

Amethyst put her hand on his arm, trying to draw him back beside her. He resisted a little, then turned and looked at her.

''That singer,'' he mused, almost to himself. ''She sounds like... ''

Amethyst frowned, rubbed at the sperm drying on her leg. Sunlight poured on her gem, illuminating its facets. After a moment, she kissed Greg tenderly on the forehead.

He regarded her with a taut expression, his mouth thinned as though he was holding himself on the edge of a point.

Apprehension flared. She reached to turn off the radio.

''Rose,'' Greg said quietly. ''Rose. What can I say? I miss her so much. Oh, the pain in my heart. It never goes away.''

''Tell me about it,'' Amethyst snapped. She was beginning to feel anxious and ill from prolonged shapeshifting, and reverted to her normal appearance. ''I miss her too, every day, but I can't let it stop me from living. Garnet says we should try and stop grieving over the tragedy of losing her, and celebrate her life.'' She shut her eyes, remembering.

 _ _The time for grief is later. This is now. This is life.__

 _ _Life__ _._

Without opening her eyes, she touched her fingertips to Greg's sweat-streaked torso and then to her gem. The core of her being vibrated with an inaudible tone.

 _ _Life__ _._

She felt him sag against her for an instant before he drew back, dragging a hand through his hair, his eyes briefly meeting hers before looking away.

''What time is it?''

Amethyst clicked her tongue exasperatedly.

''Damn, it's already half past nine. We were rolling around for ages.''

Amethyst laughed, a sound that could crack bone. She cocked her head, hair falling over one eye.

Greg's heart skipped a beat. He glanced toward the van door. ''I had better, um, get to work. The car wash isn't going to run itself.''

''Okay.'' She kicked the door open and jumped out. The morning air, warm and sweet, washed over her skin as she staggered onto the pavement of the parking lot. ''Bye.''

''Hey, I'm sorry,'' Greg said, clambering out of the van half dressed. ''I didn't mean to – ''

Amethyst cut him off with a brittle smile. ''It's fine. I'm telling you, it's fine. You work, I'll go to the Temple, and – and – ''

''You can come by again this evening, if you like.''

''I will.'' Amethyst swung her shoulders back to bare her gem, which was rapidly changing from dark to light. ''See you tonight...''

Greg stuffed his shirt into his jeans and watched the owl plunge into the fresh blue sky. Its feathers gleamed violet and mauve. Emotions threatened to overtake him again, but he exhaled and ran a hand over his face. _I must come to terms with my life. Losing Rose was awful, but I must get over it. More than that, I must accept it and put it away_.

''Now is life.'' He snatched up his keys from the van floor and jangled them. ''And what a life it is. Caribiner! Caribiner!''

 _2_

 _ _Pearl crouched at the mouth of the cave, her swords beside her. Rose Quartz watched as she held out a palm to the driving rain. After a few moments she brought her palm to her mouth and tasted the water that had collected there.__

 _ _Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled.__

 _ _Rose Quartz touched the sheer hem of Pearl's tunic.__

 _ _''Yes, Rose Quartz?''__

 _ _She didn't say anything, only traced the outline of Pearl's spine with her fingertips.__

 _ _Pearl came to sit next to her on the compacted soil of the cave floor.__

 _ _''My Pearl. What would I do without you?''__

 _ _Pearl solemnly touched a finger to the smooth gem at her hairline. ''You'll never be without me.''__

* * *

 _ _You'll never be without me__ _._

Pearl leaned on the deck rail and watched the storm roll in with the tide. Dark clouds poured from the east, driving the rain before them. Far out at sea it was already falling, melding sky and water into a seamless curtain of gray. Lightning crackled and snapped in a broken web above pitching waves tinted emerald by the somber light of the approaching squall. She hugged herself against the wind, which was gaining force. It whipped through her hair and the grasses on the dunes.

A heavy heat had hung over Beach City since daybreak. It was still hot, despite the wind, and the air was thick with the smell of sun-warmed sand and sea. Pearl walked slowly along the length of the deck, trailing her hand on the wooden rail. A splinter caught one finger, pricked into her skin. She jerked her hand back, sucked at the drop of simulated blood that welled from the wound. Her blood was bright, clean, full of light. It left no taste on her tongue.

Absently, she lifted her hand to her neck, skimmed her fingers along her throat as if nursing a sting. She felt hollow inside, hollow and aching. Turning her large eyes to the clouds, she felt a stir of the coming rain. If only the breaking of the storm could wash away the pain that tore at her. Pearl imagined her grief as a fetid blackness, a body of stagnant water that pulled at her, threatening to envelope her, drown her. A membrane had ripped off her life, like a caul torn from the face of a just-born infant.

She sucked in a breath. The air rushed into her lungs with a sweeping, caustic sensation. She had never been so alone, so naked, so empty.

Her gaze drifted toward the shadowed beach. A fluttering of pink caught her eye.

She watched as Steven made his way up the path from town. The boy's feet, in their worn sneakers, scuffed through the crusted sand. His short, thick arms swung widely, propelling him along. Garnet trailed him by a few paces, a satisfied smile curving her lips.

Happiness, the Gem thought, is a crisp word. It does not vacillate or present uncertainty. It holds a strength of composition that keeps it together; it does not fragment when firmly grasped. But it may not be easy to hold. It can suddenly slip away even while maintaining its integrity in the memory banks of our minds. It is true that some tend to remember the bad and forget the good. But that is not the way with me. My reflections of the past most often conjure up memories where joy was the foremost feeling.

Rose brought me happiness. She loved me. In the beginning, this surprised me; then it brought me happiness and peace of mind. It felt so good to be loved for who I was, loved so simply, to lie in the warmth of two bodies, the stars in her eyes, her arm flung around me – when she called me ''my Pearl'' –

Her musings ended when she heard Steven's light footsteps on the stairs, followed by the fusion's heavier tread. She had an instant to arrange her features into a neutral expression before Rose's son appeared.

Pearl bent to kiss the top of his head, hugging him close and then straightening with him in her arms. He snuggled into her, burying his face in her neck, a gesture so familiar that her eyes filled with tears. She looked helplessly at Garnet, who was standing with her arms crossed over her chest.

Suddenly the fusion raised her head, as if she were listening to something distant. A drop of rain hit her visor. Then another, and another. Above their heads, fat gray clouds, like steel wool, bulged ominously. Gulls wheeled and circled over the Temple, their harried calls echoing like an alarm. ''C'mon, you two, let's go inside,'' she said, tonelessly. ''It's going to pour.''

* * *

The living room was sunk in a green aquarium light, dark at the corners. There was a knitted throw on the couch, trailing to the floor, as if someone had been taking a nap. As if in a trance, Pearl plucked it up, then sat down abruptly, the blanket hanging loosely from her fingers.

Garnet took the blanket from her. She folded it carefully and laid it aside, lifting her chin as she straightened. In the kitchen, Steven was using scissors to cut a pizza that had just come out of the oven. Behind him, the microwave hummed, then pinged intrusively. The Gems watched as the little boy pulled a slice of pizza onto a plate, opened the microwave, and removed the steaming bag of popcorn. Careful not to burn himself, he ripped open the bag and shook the contents into a bowl.

Pearl suppressed a cough. The house was humid with the heavy smells of cooking. She thought about opening a window but changed her mind when she looked out and saw rain coursing down the glass. As she lay on the couch, she could hear the storm beating against the house, the wind whistling and thumping, the water pounding and drumming on the roof.

''I'm going to eat in front of the TV in my room,'' Steven said. ''You don't mind, do you, Pearl?''

''Mind? No, of course I don't mind.''

''Go ahead, Steven.''

Garnet lowered herself next to Pearl, close enough that their physical forms touched. She took the smaller Gem's hands and cradled them in her own.

''I...'' Pearl began, then couldn't go on.

Garnet reached to brush her fingers through her friend's hair, then lowered her head so their mouths could meet.

Pearl ended the kiss with a nervous laugh. ''Thank you.''

Garnet's visor flashed silver-pink in the muted light of the storm. ''You're a rock, Pearl. A mountain.''

Pearl laughed again. ''Me?''

Garnet nodded, a grin flickering across her full lips. _Sapphire_. ''You are so strong, so beautiful. I am so proud of you.''

''Garnet – ''

The fusion's gaze was soft as she stroked Pearl's bangs back from her gem. _Ruby_. The touch of her hands was sure and tender with years of living, and her third eye fluttered with a strange sensuality.

A shiver crept through Pearl. ''Why are you telling me this? Is everything all right? Are you all right?''

Garnet shifted uncomfortably, her eyes darting back and forth. ''If it had been me... us... Ruby and Sapphire...''

Pearl shook her head. ''But it wasn't. It's not.''

Garnet tugged off her visor, then put it back on. ''Listen. If anything were to happen to Ruby or Sapphire, I would cease to exist.'' She looked at the stones in her palms, shiny with perspiration. ''More than that: if anything were to happen to Sapphire, Ruby could not bear it. If anything were to happen to Ruby, Sapphire would lose her mind.''

Pearl looked at the large painting on the adjacent wall. Rose Quartz was shrouded in shadow.

''We knew she would be leaving us sooner or later, Garnet. It just happened sooner than we expected. They – Ruby and Sapphire – would never choose to... go the way she did.'' _And for what? Some sentimental human experience._

''You want to know something awful?'' The fusion's voice shuddered. ''Sometimes I – ''

''Guys!'' Steven called from the loft above.

''We'll continue this conversation later,'' Garnet said, rising from the couch. ''I have to go anyway. There's a corrupted Gem in Facet Three. Might as well bubble her.''

''A corrupted Gem? I'll help you.''

''No.'' She stepped onto the warp pad. ''I feel like doing this alone.''

''You're never alone.''

''And I never will be. See you later, Steven.'' She waved and was gone, leaving behind the scent of ozone and a gaping silence.

Pearl ascended the stairs to the loft and collected Steven's empty pizza plate and popcorn bowl. She took them to the kitchen and washed them. Then she opened the door and peered out into the rain.

''It's really coming down, isn't it?'' Steven said, coming to join her. ''Have you ever been inside a cave?''

''Yes, I have. Why do you ask?''

Steven turned off the kitchen light. Now he and Pearl were standing in semi-darkness, listening to the rain tapping on the wooden roof.

Pearl felt a tightening in her chest. She blew out a breath. ''It's like a cave in here.''

''Yeah. But it's big.'' He shivered, wrapping his arms around himself. ''Not a small, cozy cave.''

''Oh, Steven. I don't think there's such a thing as a cozy cave.''

''How many caves have you been in?''

''I don't know. Two, three maybe.''

''Why don't we build a cave in the living room using the couch cushions and blankets? We can camp out in it and pretend to be cave people!''

''Hmm, a blanket cave. That certainly sounds cozy.'' She looked out the door again. In the sky, the clouds pulsed with electricity. Cracks and bangs of thunder sounded as the storm grew worse. ''Yes! Let's do it. We can even invite Garnet and Amethyst to join us.''

''Where is Amethyst today?'' Steven asked, lifting a cushion from the couch and standing it on its side.

''Probably in her room.'' Pearl shook out a blanket and let it settle it over the boxlike structure Steven was creating out of the cushions.

''Can I go get her?''

''No. No. I don't want you venturing into the Temple unless you absolutely have to. Especially Amethyst's room. It's _filthy_.''

Steven found a flashlight and flicked it on. He pointed it at the Temple gate, let it shine on the star shape emblazoned on the dull mineral surface. In each point of the star there was a domed circle, and each of these circles was a different color. The pink one at the top interested him the most. It glowed with a rose-tinted radiance that seemed to grow the longer he stared at it.

He killed the flashlight and took a step toward the gate. The top point of the star was blurred by soft fire as pink as a sunrise. He felt a throbbing in his gem, and his heart beat so loudly that he was sure Pearl could hear it.

 _Mom_ , he thought wildly. _This must have something to do with Mom_. Sweat broke on his body with a feeling of crawling insects. He watched as the pink light spread from its point of origin until it covered the star and most of the door.

Then the light vanished.

''Ta-da!'' Pearl cried.

Steven jumped, dropping the flashlight. It rolled across the floor. As he bent to retrieve it, his mind reeled from what he'd seen.

''What do you think?'' the Gem asked, smiling at him. She had finished covering the couch cushions to make the cave and was holding the entrance open so Steven could see inside.

The boy let out a whistle. ''Nice!'' He got down and crawled into the cave. Pearl followed him, letting the drapes fall closed behind her.

In the cave it was dark. Not twilight: darkness. Steven gripped the flashlight but didn't turn it on. He could still hear the rain falling outside. Through a gap in the blankets, he could see the Temple gate. It opened stickily to admit Amethyst into the house. Her hair was twisted in a knot on her head and she blinked her eyes in Steven's direction.

''What are you guys doing?''

''Pretending to be cave people,'' Steven said. ''Come check out the cave!''

Amethyst was tempted but resisted. ''Oh, I'd love to, but I can't. Not now. I have to meet someone.''

''Who do you have to meet?'' Pearl probed.

''None of your business,'' she snapped. ''Gotta run, he's waiting.''

With that, she was out the door.

''Well, then I guess it's just you and me, Pearl.''

''It's just us then, Steven.''

''Pearl?''

''Yes, Steven?''

''Why can't I go into the Temple?''

''You're not ready to go there yet,'' the Gem replied, as though it were obvious.

''What? Why not?''

''The Temple can be dangerous.''

''How?''

Lightning flashed, filling the living room with an artificial brightness. The rumble of thunder caused the house to vibrate just as the glare receded. Pearl made herself more comfortable on the floor, moving a pillow behind her.

When she looked back at Steven, his brows were furrowed with unfathomable emotion. An uneasy feeling came over her at the flatness in his eyes.

''What is it, my jewel? What's on your mind?''

''The door to the Temple...''

''What about it?''

''You said you don't want me going in the Temple unless I absolutely have to. But how would I do it – if I had to?''

''One of us would open the door for you.''

''But _you_ don't need another Gem to open the door for you, Pearl. You can can get in by yourself.''

''Of course.''

''How do I open the door?''

''You do it like this.'' Pearl crawled out of the blankets and went to the Temple. Glancing back to make sure Steven was watching, she illuminated her gem.

The door parted open with a rush of cold air. The roar of cascading water blotted out all sound, even the static of Pearl's gemsong. The mist rising from the waterfalls created an ever changing pattern of vortices, ripples, and waves. This was her think chamber, her element. Pearl liked to meditate. She liked to pass through the different layers of energy and experience the differences of each layer as she passed through them. Like many Gems, her preferred method of meditation was dance.

 _''It all comes back to dance,'' Rose Quartz said as she moved with slow, stately steps towards the young pearl. ''We Gems dance our devotions. We dance and sing them because that's what devotion is – practice. Movement. Embodiment. Incarnation. We seek ecstatic experiences, moments that touch us deeply within and lift us momentarily beyond ourselves.''_

 _Pearl, ashen-faced, nodded her comprehension. She had heard this philosophy for nearly three thousand years. True, it was preached by Gems, for Gems, and they had never intended it for pearls. Pearls seldom, if ever, had reason to fuse._

 _Pearl had never fused before. But she was a pearl, she'd had plenty of experience dancing. Curious, eager, she twisted the hem of her tunic in both hands._

 _''Pearl, do you want this?''_

 _She bobbed her head affirmatively._

 _''Say it out loud.''_

 _She waited until she was certain of her voice before answering, even though each second Rose didn't touch her was torture. ''What part of 'Rose Quartz, fuse with me' do you find ambiguous?''_

 _''Not now, Pearl. I need a straight answer. What do you want? I'm not ordering you to do anything. I'm... ''_

 _''Asking you to,'' Pearl said, finishing her sentence for her. Suddenly she doubled over, laughing. ''Stars, what will Garnet say when she sees us?''_

 _''I imagine she'll be pleasantly surprised.''_

 _''All right, then. Let's – ''_

She sensed Steven come up behind her, approaching slowly, coming close enough that she could feel him there behind her. Ever so lightly, she felt him slip his hand into hers.

''Is this your room?'' he asked over the sound of the falls.

''It is.''

''Where's your bed? Don't tell me you sleep on the water.''

Pearl forced a laugh. ''Oh, no,'' she said. ''Gems don't need sleep like humans do.''

Steven looked up at her, eyes wide. ''But I'm a Gem, and I need sleep.''

Pearl sighed wearily. ''You're also a human.'' She waved her hand and the door slid closed. Silence spread through the house. After the roar of the falls, it rang in her ears.

Steven's voice broke the quiet. ''It's getting night.''

''What do you want to do?''

''Why don't we go back in the cave?'' the boy suggested.

''Sure,'' Pearl said.

They lay on their backs and gazed at the shadows that crossed the soft ceiling of blankets. The beam of Steven's flashlight shook as it pierced the near pitch black of the cave. He swung the light in short arcs, stopping every second or so to examine whatever fell in its path. The faded patches of a quilt. His bent knee. A bag of marshmallows. The neck of his ukulele. Pearl's white hands folded across her waist.

He turned the flashlight into Pearl's eyes. She exhaled sharply and pushed the flashlight away.

''Sorry,'' the little boy muttered.

''No,'' Pearl said. ''I'm sorry.''

She wanted to apologize for everything. For not being a better mother or a better caregiver or a better friend, for not being able to stop crying, for being depressed, for not being able to snap out of it, for not being present or ''in the now'' enough, for thinking and daydreaming too much, and on and on. But words failed her. They often failed her these days. Perhaps it was due to the exhaustion dogging her, the exhaustion borne of loss, of frustration, of being, in the end, on the periphery of events, able to speak up but not really to influence. More likely it was because she knew if she tried to speak she'd end up in tears.

Beside her, Steven squirmed. He needed the bathroom but didn't want to leave Pearl alone. He could feel her tiredness hanging from her, pulling her down, as a swimmer feels the weight of water after climbing out of a pool. He wanted to think of something he could do to make her feel better, but he was at a complete loss.

There was no thunder anymore and no lightning, and when Pearl reached a contrite hand to the curve of Steven's cheek, the house was very still. As the hour wore on the wind dropped. Only occasional bursts of rain against the windows reminded them that the elements were awake and uneasy. Steven played with his flashlight, making shadow puppets against the cave wall.

''This is a dove,'' he said, clasping his thumbs together and fanning out his fingers. Smiling, Pearl imitated his motion.

''And this is a swan,'' he continued, raising one arm, bending it at the elbow, and bringing the tips of his fingers together so that they made a point. He spread the fingers of his other hand wide and put the heel of his palm on his bicep to make the swan's tail feathers.

''That's amazing, Steven. You're so smart,'' Pearl said, genuinely impressed. She'd watched ancient humans play this game, usually by firelight. Where had Steven learned how to do it?

 _Humans!_

Pearl looked at Rose's baby, who wasn't a baby anymore; a human with a rose quartz gem. His eyes were growing heavy as his head bobbed down slowly, then up with sudden jerks as he struggled to stay awake. The soft scent of his child's sweat enveloped her, cushioning her in a cocoon of lamentation and longing. Shaking her head, she had a flashback from thousands of years ago. A human man wiping tears from her eyes; strange clothes; and even stranger a bleeding woman and a crying man holding the woman. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath to clear her mind of the images. Her gem pulsed painfully as she did.

The urge to urinate finally forced Steven to move from the blanket cave. Blushing, he clambered past Pearl and hurried off toward the bathroom. She heard the boy relieve himself loudly, heard the toilet flush, but she was not listening. She was thinking of humans, remembering another time and place, when a woman and a man, now long dead, had given her an early glimpse into human condition.

Rose Quartz's voice echoed in her head.

 _Humans are born to suffer and die. Gems are made to suffer and live._

 _I must suffer and die – but if I do it well and nobly, I will have a better life in the future, and can be freed from suffering someday altogether._

 _Suffering poses a responsibility and presents an opportunity. We must not waste our sorrows. Take suffering very seriously, see it as a way toward some greater good._

Apprehension settled over Pearl like a chilled mist. _Steven._ He was a human with a gem, a human with a twist. Would he die one day, an old man, while she sat at his bedside and held his hand and looked thirty?

Why had he ever been born? And why born the creature he was?

Pearl had a crippling fear of death – not of her own, but of those she held dear, those who might slip through her fingers like the powder-blonde sand of a Beach City beach. No one could imagine the restless anxiety that chased her, could see into her thoughts and dreams, nightmares that made her plasma blood run cold. No one could ever understand.

In the little temple of blankets, the Gem twisted her fingers nervously. How long had Steven been in the bathroom? Forever, it seemed. She came part way out of the entrance and asked, ''Steven, did you fall asleep, or don't you feel well?''

''I'm fine,'' the boy replied, distractedly.

''Are you sure? Why are you standing in the dark?''

''I was thinking.''

''Oh. Do you want to be left alone?''

''No.''

Pearl paused for a moment, wondering what to do. She stood and slowly made her way across the room to him. Steven was standing with his back to her at the Temple gate. She stepped towards him, joining him in the shadows. As her eyes adjusted she could make out the tension in his jaw, the curve of his shoulders, his arms, the rise and fall of his chest.

Steven lifted his head to look at her. His eyes were like black lakes. His nostrils were moving in and out like an animal sniffing the air. He looked trapped. More than anything, he looked lost.

''What's wrong? Where's your flashlight?''

''It ran out of battery,'' Steven gulped.

''Are you afraid of the dark?''

''No. I – it's silly.''

''Steven, please.'' Pearl lit up her gem so she could see him better. ''You know you can always tell me anything.''

''I know.''

''Then why can't you tell me what's bothering you?''

''I – ''

A heavy sleepiness washed over Steven, tempting him to close his eyes. Was it yesterday that he almost got into the Temple, or the day before? His head hurt, felt full, heavy; and the skin of his scalp felt tight.

''I think it's time for you to go to bed,'' Pearl said, noting that it was already close to midnight. She gave the boy's shoulders a gentle squeeze and guided him towards the blanket cave.

His last thoughts before sleep cradled him were of the pink light, how beautiful it had been. He wanted to see it again so badly that he physically ached. He stared at the dark back of his eyelids and summoned it from memory as best he could.

* * *

Pearl watched him rest.

3

 _It's late, or at least it's late for you. It's past your bedtime. The house seems more alive in the dark than in the light. You stir in your sleep, open your eyes, and look around. The soft walls of the cave stand surrounding. I place a hand on your chest, feel your heart expand into my palm. A Gem's heart beats slower than a human's, but now my heart is racing. All I can think is,_ You are a human being. Your are of the nature to grow old. You are of the nature to have ill health. You are of the nature to die.

 _Despair sweeps through me in drowning waves. At the edge of my mind Rose Quartz hovers, watchful and poised. Always, always I remember her last words to me: ''It's coming, the end of the river is coming, it's here.''_

 _You smile with her smile and fall asleep once more._


End file.
